AWOL 2014 Issue 290 11th July | Page 13

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week Send your jokes to submissions@ awolonline.net and get your name in print! Brought to you by The Railway Tavern Railway Tavern more VIZ Top Tips BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you. EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin. Motorbikes for Rent Daily, weekly or long term by MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it. GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail. BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching. BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time. ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness. DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way. PUB & CAFE HUA HIN SOI 88 085 429 0378 DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a ‘cry for help’, simply shout ‘Help!’ thus saving money on paracetamol, etc. MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea. JEREMY Beadle: When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks. SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day. SINGLE men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside. BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan. PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again. ALCOHOLICS: don’t worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices. CAR thieves: Don’t be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat. McDONALD’S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they’ve been thrown out of car windows. TK Roadhouse - Khao Takiab LIVE Sports on BIG SCREEN Projector Draft Cider, Beer Laos, Thai & Western Food Monday 14th July, 19:30pm - Monthly 10-Man Brunswick 9 Ball Competition Tuesday 5th August, 19:30pm - Monthly Quiz Night with Quizmaster Steve Open 4pm till late - Every Tuesday is Fajitas Night, 200 Baht - Every Friday is Curry Night, 200 Baht Happy Hour Prices to 7pm Find us almost opposite Smor Resort, if you hit the one wa