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a cunning
plan
International conspiracy
against Uruguay exposed
montivideo, uruguay
A DECADES-LONG conspiracy to
discredit Uruguay and their star player
Luis Suarez has been revealed.
The multi-billion operation, involving
body doubles, faked footage and carried
out with the full cooperation of media
organisations across the globe, was coordinated by MI6, the CIA, and Mossad
under the direct control of David Cameron
and Barack Obama.
Uruguayan President Jose Mujica said:
“1994, and George Lucas begins work on
Star Wars prequel The Phantom Menace.
“Why? Not because anyone wanted to
see it, but in order to develop the CGI
techniques that, 20 years later, would be
used to fool the world into thinking they
had seen Luis Suarez actually biting a
man on a football pitch.
Left: Bring me the teeth of Luis
Alberto Suárez Díaz
“The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan
were a smokescreen, funnelling billions
into the ongoing program to discredit
our country’s hero and stop Uruguay
replacing the dollar with cattle as the
reserve currency.”
Intelligence operative Tom Booker said:
“The entire Italy-Uruguay game was
filmed on greenscreen and digitally
One Stop Service
composited live. Mario Ballotelli is just
Andy Serkis doing motion capture again.
“Every photo of Suarez ever taken has
been Photoshopped to make his teeth
look bigger and hungrier to subliminally
prepare the world for our masterstroke.
“You’d think we had better things to do,
but we didn’t.”
Stephen Malley of Merseyside said:
“Oh come on. It’s absolutely ridiculous
to suggest that there’s a massive
international conspiracy to stop the
Uruguayan side reaching their rightful
place at the top.
“It’s clearly all aimed at Liverpool.”
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