AWOL 2014 Issue 289 4th July | Page 11

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week s&S Soi 94 Indian restaurant Curries from only 75 baht Eat in or Takeaway 081 455 5298 Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 To his credit, the coroner will apologize to your family, but they’ll be forced to admit that “Rectum? Damn thing killed him!” was appropriate considering the circumstances. Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18 Love will be everywhere this week, leaving you nowhere to hide when it gets violent and ugly the way it always does. Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20 You’re getting better at figuring out what your dreams really mean. However, all that stuff that happens when you’re awake is still pretty baffling. Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 After three exhausting weeks, you’ll be embarrassed and infuriated to learn that the Marine Corps motto is not in fact “Semper Fellatio.” Contacting AWOL Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 God will sincerely apologize to the rest of the hemisphere this week, but explains the snowstorms were the only way to prevent you from wearing those awful sandals. Gemini May 22 – June 21 You’ll finally start to get calls about that invisible hovercraft you have for sale when the CIA declassifies thousands of previously classified ads. Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 Travelling the world for five years certainly taught you things you’d never have learned otherwise, but you wish someone had told you the hot dog was on a string tied to a stick on your hat. Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 Birthday parties have been ruined in some strange ways over the years, but no one will ever top the sick antics you