AWOL 2014 Issue 288 27th June | Page 11

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week s&S Soi 94 Indian restaurant Curries from only 75 baht Eat in or Takeaway 081 455 5298 Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 This week will teach you that there are certain things that really can’t be faked, such as love, respect, and the human arms. Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18 You’ll be bitten by a vampire and become one of the Immortal Sanguinary Children Of The Night just when the whole fad is about to blow over. Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20 Your future has yet to be determined due to a malevolent online community’s massive denial-of-service attack on the relevant zodiacal elements. Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 Your romantic life will hit a rough patch this week when your lover, having grown bored of your relationship, trades you to the Saskatchwan Rough Riders. Contacting AWOL Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 The Parandrus, an antlered, hairy, cloven-hoofed beast the size of an ox and notable for its ill temper and foul breath, was thought to be mythical until people got a load of you. Gemini May 22 – June 21 Your sudden desire for stability will lead to you retrofitting yourself with StabiliTrak, a rather dated skid-control system that brakes your feet individually to improve control. Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 You’ll be taken aback by the news that your life story has been changed from a lightweight romantic comedy to a lengthy and detailed police procedural. Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 The so-called Tenth Crusade will end almost as soon as it begins next week when armies of religious warriors have no trouble whatsoever conquering and subjugating you. Advertising: [email protected] Classifieds: [email protected] Submissions: [email protected] Enquiries: [email protected] Property: [email protected] Hua Hin Live: [email protected] Website: www.awolonline.net Telephone: Facebook: Twitter: Office: 032 516587 Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 Pluto rising in your sign indicates trouble in your romantic life, which is problematic because, for astronomical reasons, Pluto’s going to be rising in your sign for the next 87 years. Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 You have evidently failed to learn history’s lessons, as you begin next week by trying to find the Northwest Passage, unite Britain and Ireland, and get your family to stop giving Christmas gifts. Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 Only one major thing will happen to you this week. After that, however, it won’t really be possible for anything