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turfed
out
England World Cup pitch treated by
‘same people who did Rooney’s hair’
manaus, brazil
In the days following England’s first World
Cup game on Saturday, where they were
beaten by Italy, it has been revealed
that panicky Brazilian officials asked
Wayne Rooney for the phone number
of the people who carried out his hair
transplant.
“The pitch was in terrible condition”,
admitted a spokesman for the Brazilian
FA.
“The grass was thin and clumps of it just
come out at even the smallest tug. When
we were looking at it before the game we
wondered how we could get such a sparse
expanse covered at short notice and it was
like a lightbulb went on over our heads.”
Left: Ground staff in Manaus were
sworn to secrecy over the pitch
transplant, but inside sources
revealed that it had been ‘Rooneyed’
“Let’s face it, based on past performances
this is probably the most meaningful
contribution Rooney will make during the
entire tournament.”.
Groundskeepers at the Manaus site
managed to give the ground a thick,
natural-looking cover by moving
One Stop Service
individual blades of grass from more
densely turfed, untouched areas such as
the away goal at Anfield.
When asked how they got the new turf to
the glossy, lustrous condition required for
an international fixture in only 24 hours,
the spokesman just tapped his nose,
winked and said “Joe Hart”.
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