AWOL 2014 Issue 286 13th June | Page 11

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week s&S Soi 94 Indian restaurant Curries from only 75 baht Eat in or Takeaway 081 455 5298 Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 Sometimes you just have to sit back and laugh at the hilarity of it all, but sometime’s it’s better to actually help people out of the burning building. Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18 Although you are firmly convinced there are some things that mankind was just not meant to know, you’re not exactly sure how you’re supposed to be able to tell what they are. Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20 Someday in the future, long after you’ve died and passed from living memory, really won’t be that long from now. Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 Your excitement at winning a trip to the big city will be painful to watch for all those who know what happened to the other pretty Ukrainian teens who entered the contest. Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 You will be celebrated and vilified in equal measure when you scientifically determine the exact point when a cute kitten becomes a full-grown cat and starts to suck. Gemini May 22 – June 21 You’ve always thought that blimps were kind of relaxing, but that was before the long, drawn-out, almost boring horror of a three-hour accident. Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 Trouble arises at work when, after overhearing you say that Lincoln freed the slaves, your boss whips you, chains you to the drill press, and remarks that Lincoln was a long way from Shenzhen. Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 The supposedly open-minded residents of your hometown will shun you for sleeping with white women, especially when they find out you’re using leadbased paint to get them that way. Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 You’ll find it difficult to express your pride when the local nursing college lists your “activities” as the reason enrollment is down. Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 While it’s true that a lot of music contains sexual innuendo, you’re pretty much alone in thinking that Beethoven’s Fifth has an undeniable copulatory rhythm. Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 You’ve always believed that you’ve left your lovers happy, satisfied, and thinking fondly of you, but their plaintive oinking and squealing would seem to suggest otherwise. Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 You awoke this morning a carefree young man, but due to cosmic events beyond your control, you’ll