AWOL 2014 Issue 285 6th June | Page 13

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week Send your jokes to submissions@ awolonline.net and get your name in print! Brought to you by The Railway Tavern THE SCENT OF AN OLD WOMAN A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel’s elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, “Georgio, $100 an ounce.” On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, “Chanel, $150 an ounce.” The old lady’s floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.” WISE OLD MAN A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school. Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, “You kids are a lot of fun. I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trashcans. After a few days, the man tells the kids, “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income. From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.” The noisemakers are displeased, but they accept his offer. A few days later, the retiree approaches them again. “Look,” he says, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to pay more than 25 cents. Will that be OK?” “A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaims. “If you think we’re going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts. We quit.” Railway Tavern PUB & CAFE HUA HIN SOI 88 085 429 0378 Motorbikes for Rent Daily, weekly or long term WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE? A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, “Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?” The husband looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like -- Mr. Plumber?” A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. “Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?” “What do I look like -- Richard Hammond?” A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. “Honey, there’s a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?” “What do I look like -- Bob The Builder?” He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn’t leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, “Honey, how come there aren’t any more leaks and the car’s running?” She replied nonchalantly, “Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. “Wow, did he charge us anything?” “No, he said he’d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him.” “Cool. What kind of cake did you make?” “Cake? What the hell do I look like -- Delia Smith?” 13 TK Roadhouse - Khao Takiab Sunday 15th June – ENGLAND v ITALY Live Free Half Time Bacon Butty, Big Screen Projector, Match Re-Run at 20:00pm Monday 16th June, 19:30pm - Monthly 10-Man Brunswick 9 Ball Competition Tuesday 1st July, 19:30pm - Monthly Quiz Night with Quizmaster Steve Open 4pm till late - Every Tuesday is Fajitas Night, 200 Baht - Every Friday is Curry Night, 200 Baht Happy Hour Prices to 7pm Find us almost opposite Smor Resort, if you hit the one way section you have gone too far Call Pla: 082 003 8702 www.tkroadhouse.com Join the AWOL forum