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World leaders express concern as Liverpool annex Manchester Utd
manchester, england
Leaders around the world have resolutely
condemned the annexation of Manchester
United football club by Liverpool FC despite
a hastily held referendum showing 95.5%
support among the Man U fans for secession
to its more powerful neighbour.
‘The vote is completely illegal,’ said one
United fan who still thinks Wayne Rooney is
quite good. ‘But actually if it means we get
closer ties with Europe then, on balance,
‘like’, I’m all for it.’
There has been discontent since a new leader
was undemocratically appointed at Old
Trafford who many now see as incapable of
maintaining unity among supporters from the
club’s vast geographical base which stretches
as far afield as Surrey. ‘I was going to give it all
up and emigrate to Wycombe Wanderers,’ said
one despairing fan from Guildford, ‘but I can
stick with it now. I truly believe being part of
Liverpool gives my children the best hope for
the future.’
In the late hours of Sunday night, heavilyarmed men occupied strategic sites around
Old Trafford, insisting they were only there
Left: Obama comforts
Cameron before their
joint statement on the
annexation as the Prime
Minister wonders if the
same fate will befall him as
David Moyes
to protect the well-being of the many who
wanted to switch allegiance, and throwing a
defensive cordon around the pie van.
‘They don’t have any identification and they’re
not wearing team colours, but then they try
to sell you kitchen implements you don’t
need, crack loads of jokes and, if anything
gets heated, repeatedly tell everyone to
calm down,’ said Old Trafford groundsman
Bert Trout, who had become increasingly
concerned about the direction the club was
taking. ‘They can deny it all they like but
One Stop Service
the whips, the furry hats, the false number
plates; they’re obviously Scousers. Thank God
someone who knows what they’re doing is
here to sort this mess out.’
While relieved to be free of the old regime,
some of the Manchester fans admitted to
unease and apprehension for any trophy
success this year. The global tension tangibly
lifted when Liverpool insisted that Man Utd
would still have a great deal of autonomy and
installed Ken Dodd as new interim manager.
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