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down, down,
deeper
and down
Gravity wins at Sochi
sochi, russia
EARTH’S gravitational field has been declared
Overall Winner at the Winter Olympics.
Scientists analysing events at Sochi said they
were basically people being pulled downwards
by the natural forces of gravity.
Dr Mary Fisher said: “Skiing, snowboarding,
bobsleigh – all just variations on falling.
“In most Winter Olympics sports the human
participants could be replaced with boulders
or broken refrigerators – in fact anything
heavy.
“The only fair conclusion was to recognise
the achievement of gravity rather than the
toothsome rich buffoons who do snow-based
sport.”
Accepting handfuls of gold medals on behalf
of gravity, Professor Henry Brubaker of the
Institute for Studies said: “Without gravity
Above: Gravity wins again
nothing would go downhill, skiers would just
stand there, stationary and feebly waving,
until the spectators filtered off home.
“Thanks to this mighty ‘natural magnet’ we
One Stop Service
can enjoy the Winter Olympics, or at least the
only good bit which is seeing snowboarders
packed onto an air ambulance with a bit of
femur poking out of their salopettes.”
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