AWOL 2014 Issue 270 14th February | Page 23

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week s&S Soi 94 Indian restaurant Curries from only 75 baht Eat in or Takeaway 081 455 5298 Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 It’s really too bad you couldn’t have been defenestrated years ago when it was cool before everybody started using the word. Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18 Although you’re beginning to despair, it’s important to square your shoulders, set your jaw, take a deep breath, and try to hit the toilet with everything this time. Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20 You will definitely be remembered by all people for all time, a fact that should make you feel much more shame and disappointment than it may seem. Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 Your belief that all life’s problems can be solved with a heart-toheart talk and a good night’s sleep will be severely tested this week when you’re introduced to mathematics. Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 This is a good week to start new projects, as long as they don’t take more than four days and won’t depress the people who find your body. Gemini May 22 – June 21 This week you’ll show everyone that you can be stunningly sexy at 50, which is deeply troubling as you were 27 last week. Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 You’ll finally make an effort to remove your mental blinders, leaving the coroner to wonder why exactly you took the cordless drill to your temples. Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 When all’s said and done, you should probably have just let those pandas succeed or fail on their own merits. Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 You’ll finally come to understand your own heart and mind, and by extension, exactly what everyone has been laughing at all these years. Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 While it’s true that life often imitates art, it’s odd that your life imitates J.G. Ballards’ avant-garde fiction piece “The Assassination Of JFK Considered As A Downhill Motor Race.” Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 The stars foresee a lesson in humility this week when you try telling everyone about the “hot new band” Animal Collective, which the stars have been listening to for like forever. Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 You thought you had finally done something strikingly new and original, but it turns out that thousands of people already in the afterlife got there the exact same way y