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breaking
the bank
Wenger to use money thrown by Spurs
fans to strengthen Arsenal squad
london, england
Tight-arsed Arsenal boss, Arsene Wenger,
will use the cash generated by Theo Walcott’s
derby match taunts to strengthen his
attacking options, it has emerged.
As the Arsenal dynamo was stretchered
off towards the end of the cup tie, Spurs
fans reacted angrily to his taunting grin by
emptying the contents of their piggy banks
onto his head.
And as news of the multi-denominational
deluge reached the dugout, Wenger beckoned
a steward over and asked him ‘How much are
we talking about?’
After the stadium fell quiet following Arsenal’s
2-0 victory, Wenger was spotted by Match of
the Day cameras prowling the touchline with
a state-of-the-art metal detector.
Wenger said, “It is difficult to find an English
bank that will accept anything other than
notes so I ‘ave transferred most of the money
Left: Arsenal got a much needed
boost to their coffers
into giant whisky bottles that were left ‘ere by
Tony Adams.”
Although he now has a huge quantity of twopound coins to spend on players, Wenger has
also found himself massively popular with
North London bus drivers.
The Frenchman will need to act fast if he is
to combat the club’s latest injury crisis, which
was compounded this morning when Jack
Wilshere turned up at an Islington A&E Unit
with a saucepan on his head.
While Wenger has refused to reveal the
exact amount he managed to recover after
Saturday’s clash, he is understood to have
enough to tempt Liverpool’s Luis Suarez, with
at least £5.60 left over for a haircut.
The Arsenal boss is now viewing the cashin-return-for-provocative-gestures as an
important part of the club’s revenuegenerating arm and has earmarked the next
training session to teach Per Mertesacker
how to use his fingers to make insulting
gestures.
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