AWOL 2014 Issue 264 3rd January | Page 23

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week s&S Soi 94 Indian restaurant Curries from only 75 baht Eat in or Takeaway 081 455 5298 Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 Nothing noteworthy will occur in your life this week, as you have not paid your cable bill in months. Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18 Avoid conflict with co-workers this week. Spike your boss’ coffee with military-grade rat poison. Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20 The loneliness you feel cannot last forever. It will end in 40 years at the moment of your death. Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20 After years of wayward, sinful living, you will finally see the light this week and ask Christ to enter your life. Unfortunately, He is busy and sends Charlton Heston instead. Taurus Apr 21 – May 21 Learn to treasure each day as if it were your only one on earth, because you are a specimen of Hexagenia Limbata, the common mayfly. Gemini May 22 – June 21 Your apathy over being named Employee Of The Month turns to joy when the prize turns out to be a wrestling-style championship belt. Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 You will face career hardship when you suddenly decide that you’re tired of putting out your ‘zine and quit, leaving yourself unemployed. Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 You will become unhealthily obsessed with a grotesquely fat co-worker, but don’t worry—you’re not becoming a perverted “chubby chaser.” You are becoming an unholy cannibal. Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 The disappearance of Mars from your sky may indicate that it is time to let go of your warlike nature. It could also indicate that its orbit has taken it behind the sun. Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 You will e