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Wife Killer
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy
marriage, a young husband decided to solve both
problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his
wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging
to have her killed. A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch
with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went
by the name of ‘Artie.’
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price
for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000. The husband said
he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t
have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s
insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front,
so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single £1
Coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and
reluctantly agreed to accept the £1 as down payment for
the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the
local Tesco Super Store. There, he surprised her in the
produce department and proceeded to strangle her with
his gloved hands and the poor unsuspecting woman
drew her last breath & slumped to the floor.
The manager of the produce department stumbled
unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave
any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but
to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were
captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by
the store’s security guard, who immediately called the
police. Artie was caught amd arrested before he could
even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie
revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual
financial arrangements with the hapless husband who
was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ..
‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO!’
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Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger is ambushed and captured by an enemy
Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, YOU
are the great Lone Ranger ... In honor of the Harvest
Festival, YOU will be executed in three days.Before I kill
you, I grant you three requests”
“What is your FIRST request ???’
The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my
horse.“
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone
Ranger who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse
gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a
beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief
watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and
spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed.
“You have a very fine and loyal horse/ But I will still kill
you in two days.What is your SECOND request ???”
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the
horse’s ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears
over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again
returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more
attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers
tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again
impressed.
“You are indeed a man of many talents,But I will still kill
you tomorrow. What is your LAST request ???”
The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my
horse, ..... alone.”
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought
to the Lone Ranger’s tent. Once they’re alone, the Lone
Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in
the eye and says, “Listen Very Carefully !!!! FOR... THE...
LAST... TIME... I SAID .... BRING POSSE”
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