Automotive Business Review February 2015

| by Baron Claude Borlz Last Writes you will always find on the last page of ABR, because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. It Just Doesn’t Add Up A public school teacher from Houghton was arrested in January 2015 at O R Tambo International airport as he attempted to board a flight to Cape Town, while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a Casio calculator. At a press conference, a police spokesperson said that they believe the man is a member of the notorious ‘Al-Gebra’ movement. The teacher, who has not been identified, has been charged by the Hawks for carrying concealed ‘Weapons of Math Instruction.’ “’Al-Gebra’ is a problem for us”, the police spokesperson said, “They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They also use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’, and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’ or ‘variables’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval, with co-ordinates in virtually every developed country in the world.” As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle.” When asked to comment on the arrest, a spokesperson for the presidency would not comment, except to say that the president cannot comprehend the intrinsic power of ‘Al-Gebra’. However, a spokesperson for the EFF said, “If we were meant to have better ‘Weapons of Math Instruction’, he would have given us more fingers and toes.” Speaking from ‘Loot-freely House’, an ANC spokesperson said that he believes that it is a storm in a fire pool, because maths is a Western concept. Words in Action Eskom would have been better!!! Lexophilia is defined as a love of words, and the nuances around their use, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. Here are some examples: .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. This a very old – maybe we should substitute motor trade with Eskom: Dear Sandra I have a big problem. I have two brothers. One is in the motor trade, and the other was put to death in the electric chair for murder. My mother died from insanity when I was three years old. My two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells narcotics to junior school students. Recently I met a girl who was released from a reformatory school where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death with a pillow. I want to marry her, but my problem is, if I marry this girl should I tell her about my brother who is in the motor trade??? When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. The batteries were given out free of charge A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail A will is a dead giveaway With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress A boiled egg is hard to beat When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall Police were summoned to a day care centre where a threeyear-old was resisting a rest Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered He had a photographic memory which was never developed When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it Yours sincerely Julius From the Far East Hoekom sny Brakpanners hul honde se sterte af? So as skoonma kom kuier dat daar geen teken van blydskap is nie!!! And finally, what a great sign ….. And the cream of the twisted crop: .. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end | words in action 64 FEBRUARY 2015

Automotive Business Review February 2015 | Page 66