COMMUNICATION
Once you react to the meltdown behavior, the child will react to
your reaction, and the blow-up will continue and often escalate.
All too often the end result is that people apologize, but nothing
gets resolved.
And it did not have to be verbal!! This is spelled out in
the subtitle of my book Uniquely Normal: Tapping the
Reservoir of Normalcy to Treat Autism. This is specifi-
cally what James needed to do: tap into his mental
reservoir to communicate and really find his voice. would be no more frustration, and he would feel
good about himself. He could also feel good about
his ability to draw well. Likewise, he could learn to
independently twist his skateboard in a way that
would extricate it from the car.
I decided to start with his latest obsession—mak-
ing slime. (I had no choice!). Like most of us, I had
no idea what making slime was about. If you don’t
know what I’m talking about, welcome to the club!
(Feel free to look it up.) Slime is a gooey clay-like sub-
stance made by hand. First and foremost, finding one’s voice means finding
one’s self. Once the frustration simmers down and
confidence starts to build, the child’s ability to use
verbal explanations can now be encouraged more
effectively.
After he wrote (very neatly, by the way) the ingredi-
ents he needed to make slime, James said we need-
ed a plastic container to put it in. I asked him what
kind, what size, etc. James had a meltdown, getting
frustrated and angry, screaming that I knew what
he meant and that he didn’t know how to explain
it. I didn’t try to help him express himself. I merely
said that I needed to know the size of the container.
James could show me with his hands; he could draw
it; perhaps he could find it on the computer. James
immediately calmed down and proceeded to draw
the plastic container meticulously. Notice that I did
not react to his frustration and tantrum—the prob-
lem was his difficulty expressing what he already
knew. Once you react to the meltdown behavior, the
child will react to your reaction, and the blow-up will
continue and often escalate. All too often the end
result is that people apologize, but nothing gets re-
solved.
Here’s the point. James needed to do one thing: to
reach into himself, and by so doing, find a way to
communicate with others. He had to find a way to
negotiate the world. It was there inside him, and he
needed to learn to retrieve it successfully. Once he
realized by himself that he could express the type of
container he wanted by drawing it (instead of being
angry when he could not explain it in words), there
50 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 87
Robert J. Bernstein, an educa-
tional therapist specializing in
autism spectrum disorder, gives
you hands-on suggestions for
handling your child’s behavior-
al issues. Rob uses a cognitive
approach to understand what’s
underlying the behaviors so that
the issues can be resolved. He has
over three decades of experience
working with individuals with
problematic behaviors, including
tantrums, repetitive behaviors,
self-destructive behaviors, hit-
ting, cursing, miscommunication
and noncommunication, school
issues, and difficulties relating to
others. Rob is also the parent of an adult son on the
autism spectrum. Look for Rob’s new book, Unique-
ly Normal, written to help parents make a difference
with their children on the autism spectrum.
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com
Twitter: @autismspeech
If you have a question for Rob, please email edi-
[email protected].