AUTISM SOLUTIONS
One way to practice self-compassion is to treat yourself kindly
by increasing the amount of positive self-talk and minimizing
your negative inner voice. Studies also show that when we think
soothing thoughts about ourselves, oxytocin and opiates are
released, which makes us feel good.
Self-compassion is a good first step to take. It is
something Kristen Neff, author of the book Self-Com-
passion – the Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself is
passionate about. Her research counters the argu-
ment that loving yourself makes you self-centered
and unmotivated.
Dr Kristin Neff, associate professor in human devel-
opment and culture at the University of Texas in Aus-
tin, has completed a study that shows how self-criti-
cism undermines motivation. Negative self-talk is an
attack on our self-concept, and we feel threatened.
“With self-criticism we are the attacker and the at-
tacked,” which is a double whammy according to Dr.
Neff 1 . As a result, the fight-or-flight response takes
over and releases large amounts of adrenaline and
cortisol, and stress levels increase. And if you are a
constant self-critic, your body will eventually shut
down to protect itself and depression can easily set
in, making both love of self and love of others more
unlikely.
One way to practice self-compassion is to treat your-
self kindly by increasing the amount of positive self-
talk and minimizing your negative inner voice. Stud-
ies also show that when we think soothing thoughts
about ourselves, oxytocin and opiates are released,
which makes us feel good.
So get that voice inside your child’s head to practice
compassion and focus on the positive. The power of
positive self-talk for children on the autism spectrum
will help override any existing negative self-talk that
may be keeping them from loving themselves.
Here are two activities you can do to ban the self-crit-
ic inside your child’s head and paint a more affirma-
tive self-portrait.
Activity 1
Have your child list some positive traits he/she has
such as honesty, kindness, patience, care, intelli-
gence, etc. Add to the list of characteristics you be-
lieve he/she possesses as well. Then take several
sheets of blank paper and write one trait on the top
of each. Leave the rest of the page blank for writing
down examples of how this trait is displayed. Your
child might be able to identify and voice a positive
thought, like, “Mom told me I was kind when I shared
my ball with my brother.”
If your child struggles with this, prompt him/her by
pointing out how you see these positive attributes
displayed. Tell your child what you observe regard-
ing each trait and write it down: “You were patient
when you waited for your turn at the slide.”
Repeat this with other family members and friends
so your child can see his/her positive traits from as
many perspectives as possible. A sibling might write,
“You were kind when you told me I could play with
you.”
As each page grows with examples of how your child
demonstrates each quality, a visual picture will begin
to emerge that is full of positive, loving energy. Post
these sheets in your child’s room and review one
8 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 72