Autism Parenting Magazine Issue 72 (Member's Dashboard) | Page 36

PARENTAL ADVICE lier than their peers , as parents often have less time and energy to spend on us . Parents also expect more from us , and many of us easily fall into thinking that becoming overachievers in school , work , or other activities is the only way to get our parents to see us , too , but it can easily also become a pressure and do much damage to our self-image . Just tell us that we don ’ t have to be perfect , and we don ’ t have to “ earn ” your love and attention by our actions . But also don ’ t feel sorry for having to spend more time with our siblings than us , because we understand , even if we think it ’ s unfair sometimes .

6 .

Don ’ t neglect our mental health just because we ’ re “ the unaffected one ”

Studies have shown that siblings of people with autism are more than twice as likely to suffer from a psychiatric condition than the rest of the population . Siblings also have a large chance of developing autism themselves , and even if they don ’ t develop it , many struggle with developmental difficulties commonly found in those with autism . Neurotypical siblings who struggle with mental disorders might find it hard to talk about it , and we might even feel guilty , not wanting to cause our parents more hardship than they already have with our siblings . If you suspect that the unaffected child might have a problem or disorder , pay attention to his / her mental state , talk to the child , and share ways to get help . Just look at him / her as your child , not your “ unaffected ” child .

7 .

Don ’ t stigmatize negative thoughts

Parents have them . Siblings have them . Yet , it ’ s a very stigmatized idea to have negative thoughts about it . Sometimes we , too , get so mad at our siblings ’ disorders , and we get angry and sad and feel confused and helpless as well . We hate that the world is an unfair place to live in and that others can be so ignorant and cruel towards people with disorders . Tell us it ’ s okay to feel this way and that it ’ s not our fault . It ’ s okay to be jealous of other people and other families who , bluntly speaking , have an easier life . Parents definitely struggle a lot , but it can be extremely hard for us siblings , too , sometimes , and now and then you just need to vent all these emotions , and it should be okay to do that .

Encourage us to seek out friends

8 .

Especially at younger ages , having siblings with disorders might make us reluctant to bring friends home , thinking our siblings might act weird . Encourage us to defy these thoughts . Also , try to give your child some space and alone time with friends , either if the sibling with autism can be out of the house , or offer to take the neurotypical sibling and his / her friends somewhere to spend time by themselves . This advice also applies to children with the disorder . For people on the spectrum , having understanding and accepting friends , whether they are personal assistants , autism support groups , or friends at school or work for the more high-functioning , can be huge helps in their personal development .

Spend some alone time with us

9 .

Every child just wants to spend some time with their parents alone sometimes . This is the same for all families with more than one child , with or without family members on the spectrum . Every now and then , just make some time for just us to do something together . We , siblings , tend to end up in the shadow of our siblings ’ needs much of the time . So let us be the center of your attention , too . Try to set this kind of separate time aside for us on a regular basis , because as siblings , we need to be reassured sometimes that we are equally loved and important , even if we don ’ t get as much attention as our siblings on a regular basis .

10 .

Encourage us to make our own free choices

A special needs sibling will always remain a big part our lives . Even if parents need someone looking after their neurotypical children when they no longer can , don ’ t tell us we have to be around our siblings 24 / 7 . The best thing parents can do is to encourage us to live our own lives and do things we want because we will always love our siblings , and we will always be there for them even if we live our own lives , too . Don ’ t let our lives be consumed by our siblings , but encourage us to make choices for us , and to have our own dreams and aspirations . Most importantly , tell us that it ’ s okay to talk to you about these dreams so that we don ’ t stay silent , thinking what we want is inferior to our siblings ’ needs .

Audrey S Park grew up with one younger sibling with autism , and she wants to see a world where mental disorders are not looked down on by society and to spread awareness about what it ’ s like to be a sibling of autism . She is currently balancing her studies while attempting to pursue a career in freelance writing .

Twitter : https :// twitter . com / a _ s _ park

Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 72 | 37