PERSONAL NARRATIVE
The End of Me
By Victoria BAKER
I
t was an unusually warm spring day. Ian bounced
out of the van ready for a quick stop at our local
Whole Foods. The after-lunch crowd was quieter,
less sensory overload for both of us. Our excur-
sion was an excuse for me to pick up much-need-
ed groceries. For Ian, it was a welcome break from
homeschooling and a chance to move around a
bit. My idea of getting the wiggles out had a totally
different meaning for Ian!
The emotional and academic challenges of public
middle school were daunting. Without the school’s
acceptance of Ian’s autism spectrum disorder (ASD)
diagnosis, there were no educational or behavioral
plans in place. It is difficult enough for typical stu-
dents transitioning into this period of their lives,
much less for one wrestling with tremors, motor
tics, irritable bowel syndrome, and food allergies, to
name a few. Ian experienced bullying. He was hit,
and anxiety attacks resulted in meltdowns and aca-
demic regression.
“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.”
Years of advocates, lawyers, mediation conferences,
court petitions, school meetings, medical appoint-
ments, hospital stays, holistic doctors, metal detox-
ifications, vitamins, supplements, and therapies all
seemed to feed into one cold March afternoon. It was
the third time his school case manager phoned to tell
me Ian had been hit. At home, he wrote notes saying,
“I want to die.” He chose to motion his needs instead
of speaking, slipping into selective mutism. Fearful he
would further regress, I researched homeschooling as
an alternative, which soon became our only option.
Two months after that call, Ian, Danny, his young-
er brother, and I moved through the tears and the
trauma of those incidents. Homeschooling, we were
amidst healing, having fun, and at last, enjoying life.
Ian and I were learning together. Juicing, walking in
our neighborhood, exercising with Brain Gym®, snug-
gling, and reading replaced some of the exhausting-
ly emotional effects of his autism, daily vomiting ep-
Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 72 |
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