PARENTAL ADVICE
nails and picking at her skin and even cutting
herself, until the therapist started bringing her
dog. She would talk more freely with the ther-
apist and open up more as she played with the
dog. Later, when she struggled with my hus-
band and I divorcing when she was 13, she be-
gan to self-harm again until I got her a pet don-
key which instantly solved her transition crisis.
Alas, I had to take her out of school and begin to
homeschool her, as she was being picked on so
badly, and was very reluctant to do any studies
with me at home. I am able to get her to do her
school work by having her read books about an-
imals, do math problems of animals, and getting
her to write about animals. When she is having a
meltdown or just is in a sad mood, going out to
play with the animals in our barnyard, or having
one of her cats lay down and take a nap with her
always settles her down.
7.
Don’t be afraid to use those obsessions to get them
to do what they need to do—whatever works!
Pick Your Battles
This is such good advice for raising any children,
but alas, I see so many parents not employ this
life hack. It is so easy to do, and helps so many
situations.
When my older autistic daughter was in kinder-
garten, I was called up to the school one day
because she was having a meltdown. When I
got there I found her sobbing and quivering
on the floor with the staff petting and trying
to hug her. I learned the problem started when
she asked for a red chair. At this point in time,
her obsession was on the color red. Her clothes
were all red, her blankets and pillows were red,
her plates and cups were red. See “use their ob-
session,” rule six, above. I looked around this
kindergarten room. There were a couple doz-
en chairs, in the room , some blue, some yellow,
some red. Several red ones. Instead of offering
her a red chair, the teacher had demanded that
she sit in the yellow one that was at her desk
that day. This brought on this hour-long melt-
down and my having to rush to the school and
calm her down. I did that by nicely asking one
of the little boys in the room who was sitting in
a red chair if he would trade chairs with her. He
said sure. Problem solved. Kindergarten teacher
who had taught for 40 years thought I was horri-
ble for giving in to her. Said teacher was wrong.
There are plenty of things I cannot give to my
children. I have to tell them no, they cannot ride
in the car without a seatbelt on, which was one
of the other things that caused that daughter to
meltdown. She hated anything tight or binding
so all her (red then) clothes were stretchy ma-
terial, and loose...but I had to make her wear a
seatbelt, so I had to fight that battle. I did not
have to fight the red chair battle.
Pick your battles. You will not spoil your child.
There will be plenty of battles you will have to
fight and say no to them. Saying yes, when you
can, when it is no big deal, is not only fine, but
good. They need to win some battles too.
Ginger Strivelli is 47 and has six children now—all
grown. She and her youngest daughter live on a
farm in Luxor, Egypt. When her children were grow-
ing up they all lived in Jupiter, NC, USA. She has
three disabled children on the spectrum and three
neurotypical children. Ginger is a mother, artist,
and writer. Two of her children are now working as
therapists with disabled children, being caregivers
in their mother’s footsteps.