PERSONAL NARRATIVE
actual reason for finding it difficult to take
my daughter to public places. The reason
is this: I may not care what people are
thinking, but I do care about other people.
I don’t care if they’re thinking something
bad about me or my child. I don’t care if
they’re criticizing us, outwardly or not. It
is a fact, however, that my presence with
Lexi in most public places will affect those
around us in some way, and sometimes
that way is negative. That, I do care about.
My daughter is extremely loud and extremely messy. She has no respect for personal space. She thinks that pulling the
hair of a complete stranger is a great way
to say hello. She feels that licking someone and then slapping them upside the
face is an expression of love. She expects
anyone she meets to sing “Wheels On the
Bus” when asked, and gets extremely agitated when things don’t go her way. These
are the legitimate reasons for my concern.
Every single one of these reasons is legitimate. Every
single one of these reasons is something that I’ve felt
at some point in my daughter’s life. However, with the
exception of the exhaustion, most of these reasons
actually don’t concern me too much anymore. What
random people think about me or my child doesn’t
really matter. It hasn’t always been this way. It took
me a long time to get over that particular neurosis .
What others think used to be an enormous concern
of mine. After my daughter came into my life, however, I finally got to the point where I realized that
continuing to think this way with a child like Lexi
would eventually give me an ulcer. That sounded
particularly unpleasant, so I stopped. Not easily and
not overnight, but eventually. Let me tell you, life is
much easier now.
The motivation to write on this subject was the look
of surprise on my friend’s face when I told them my
I am hyperaware of how Lexi’s presence
may affect those around us. The other families
around us in a restaurant didn’t bargain for the girl
at the next table who won’t stop making loud noises
or throwing tortilla chips on the floor. The woman in
the chair next to us at the salon didn’t bargain for
the little girl next to her, who is crying non-stop because she can’t stand to have her hair touched. The
other families at the park didn’t bargain for a little
girl who has no concept of how to connect with other kids, and ends up knocking smaller children to the
ground in a simple attempt to play.
Here’s where correcting the ignorance comes in.
Most special needs parents have heard some form of
this question over the years: “Why would you bring
your child to a place like this? Don’t you think about
how it affects other people?” Well, here’s our answer:
“Yes. We do think about it. Every. Single. Day.”
I never stop thinking. I never stop strategizing. I never stop worrying. Every time we go out to eat; get a
The life of a family with a special needs child is a deep sea of worries
and cares, some of which even they can only begin to fathom.
12 | Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 44