Authorpreneur Magazine Issue 3 | Page 10

buy some dresses . I might book a holiday – but not very far and exotic , and preferably with family . I might buy a Micra with power steering . Oh , go on I might buy a nicer car . But not much nicer . Nice enough !

So I have learnt that even forcibly removing goods from a person is tough , but you can survive . I cannot claim to have learnt any deep stuff from this shit . I probably should be able to point to a moment and a feeling and say - Yes that is when I knew who I was or some sort of thing . I can ’ t . I can ’ t even claim to feel good about hitting the bottom , because I have hit more bottoms than Mr Grey , without any pleasure , and I see no sign of that downslide abating – yet !

But it has reinforced my knowledge that possessions are much less important than things , experiences and people . Always people . But I always knew that Universe , so why did you take everything away ? I can only hope so you can give it back , tenfold ! Lol

However , while I know that stuff is not important . Hey , I was brought up by two great parents and a brother , so I knew that , but I learnt something else , something quite surprising .

You ’ d think that losing everything would make me very weak and vulnerable . It would turn me into a church-mouse who was scared of everything . I would be looking over my shoulder at shadows , jumping at noises in the bushes and terrified of authority . It didn ’ t . Actually the opposite was true . Now don ’ t get me wrong , I have spent nights crying myself to sleep , I have spent days unable to get out of bed , I have walked in a daze and known no one before me . But I am not afraid .

I admit to being scared . I worry about the future ( although I recognise that is futile in itself ). I alternate between great enthusiasm when I wake , to extreme tiredness at the end of day , and yet still fail to sleep through a full night . But I am not afraid .

So , I looked at my talents and writing is my passion .

While gainfully employed I had no time to write . Now , I had nothing to distract me , so , I took out my metaphorical pen and I wrote a bonk buster . A real page turner with lots of steamy sex . When I say steamy , a recent reviewer said I made 50shades look positively monochrome by comparison . But the difference is that I put my heart and soul into the book . It is a book about a 40 year old woman coming to terms with life , children , dating and basically holding the can . I thought long and hard about this writing , especially the steamy side of it , but I knew at the end of the day I am not afraid . Of course , my two children are mortified . They are teenagers and the thought of their mother writing about sex is terrible , worse than if I was found guilty of shoplifting at Aldi . I don ’ t blame them but I am not afraid of them either , or rather their reaction .

I have two more books in this fun and racy series that I am writing now . And do you know the nicest thing ? This is fiction . I can write the ending and while I lead my main character through the valley of death , despair and trouble , I am giving her a fabulous ending ! Oh the power of the pen !

So , when possessions depart - and bravery enters by the main door - then it is time to write !

Aoife Brennan is 42 years of age . She lives with her two teenage boys in Dublin . Dublin is a small city so she is ( creatively ) keeping her face out of the way of the camera .

Aoife blogs her ' random thoughts ' on The Cougar Diaries blog

thecougardiariesireland . wordpress . com