Her life remained worthwhile , even with dementia .

I feel certain that even towards the end she was a participant , in her own way , in those scenic walks , recognising her old childhood haunts in the seaside town she

knew so well .

I have known and loved my wife

for over 60 years .

It is without question dreadfully

upsetting to live with someone and

observe the slow disassembling of

their intellect .

But by concentrating on what

was preserved , there were always

Dr David Miller Retired nephrologist in Port Elliot , SA .

It ’ s a spectre that can haunt us

PICTURE CREDIT

those times and reasons for , if not optimism , then at least hope .

Every bright flash of communication , every time her expression registered contentment , every little smile , became the high spot of the day .

A goodly dose of anosognosia is our friend in these circumstances .

I also don ’ t think Elizabeth ever really knew what was happening to her .

Perhaps a little at the beginning ,

all as doctors — we who trade on our

but I don ’ t know . She never talked

mental acuity .

about it ; and certainly not later as

It ’ s the fear of losing control ,

she became more dependent .

followed by the projection of our

She would have been fright-

future selves as that stooped figure ,

ened , as anyone would , by the

propped expressionless and inac-

prospect of loss and total depend-

cessible in a chair in a corner of a

ency , but she never appeared

nursing home .

frightened , and I don ’ t think she

Instead of being able to provide the

was unhappy .

healing treatment we as doctors are

I guess we can never know what

trained for , we are doomed to observe

runs through a fading mind , but

the inevitable downward course of an

perhaps it ’ s more than we think .

incurable degenerative disease .

The quality of life is an elusive

Dementia is a terrifying illness ,

commodity .

and that explains the protracted

I am not opposed to passive or

debate in Australian Doctor about

even active euthanasia .

advance care directives being able to

There is no doubt that we would

list euthanasia as an option .

not have actively treated a serious

But if a title were needed for

mother ’ s own dementia began .

Little chinks of light would shine

resign herself to others taking over .

intercurrent illness . But for us , the

this brief reminiscence , I ’ d be

I wasn ’ t told about what had hap-

through to delight us .

Over six years , and with family

decision never arose .

tempted to call it ‘ The Rewards of

pened until weeks later , and even

She just lost her memory and her

and professional support and help , I

I can only hope some of you

Dementia ’.

for some weeks after that I denied to

abilities .

had to gradually take over her activi-

readers , if cast into the same role ,

There is no generalising when

myself that Elizabeth was changing .

We were fortunate . Our experience

ties of daily living .

will have ( or have had ) similar

it comes to dementia , so mine

But she was .

is not the universal one — I know that .

Transfers , washing , toileting ,

experiences to mine .

is a personal story with its own

But my memory of my wife ’ s slow

By ‘ us ’, I include my physician

dressing and feeding . But we could

I wouldn ’ t want to have missed

particularities .

descent into the end-stage demen-

daughter , who was a frequent and

still sleep together ; we ate together .

a day of my wife ’ s last years . They

It ’ s not about my professional

tia that finally carried her away last

necessary presence , and all our fam-

We sat together in the evenings

were supremely worthwhile , and I

experience — it ’ s not representa-

October is not one of despair .

ily members who loved , visited and

in front of the TV , drifting off over

like to think not just for me .

tive and not intended to be at all

I want to remember every

helped us .

another rerun of Midsomer Murders .

By now , I may have even begun

didactic .

moment of it .

Not every carer is so lucky .

I was grateful every day to be able

to lose some of my own fear of

My wife ’ s dementia was diag-

We were fortunate that until near

Elizabeth became frustrated at

to do those things .

dementia .

nosed seven years ago by her hair-

the end she never entirely lost her

times , as one by one she lost the

We also went for walks along Eliz-

dresser , who was familiar with the early symptoms because of how her

positive personality . She never became someone else .

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