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Box 1. So how do you become more self-compassionate? Try these three steps
1. Identify your self-critical thoughts. Are there any thoughts you have about yourself that you would hesitate to say to another person?( eg,‘ that was hopeless’ or‘ you were not good enough’).
2. Think about the costs of self-criticism. Reflect and write down any negative costs of selfcriticism such as exhaustion and stress. Think about whether you are practising double standards and treating yourself differently from others. Do you have one set of harsher rules for yourself?( eg,‘ it is okay if others make mistakes, but I must never make a mistake’).
3. Practice self-compassion and apply values you use with friends to yourself. Reflect on the values you apply to your friends. This might include treating others with courtesy, respect, acceptance, caring and forgiveness. Now think about applying these values to yourself. Ask yourself‘ what would a compassionate response be?’ Think about responding to your own mistakes the way that you would give advice to a friend( eg,‘ you cannot get it right all the time, you are trying your best’).
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self-criticism is to think about the types of coach a child may have. Consider a child who wants to learn basketball. They have two coaches. Coach A berates the child every time they drop the ball, saying‘ you should try harder, your performance is not up to scratch’. Coach B on the other hand is encouraging. When the child makes a mistake Coach B gives messages like,‘ it is okay, making mistakes is an important part of learning’. Coach B thinks about other ways to approach the problem and does not get hung up on self-blame.
Now think, if that child was someone you cared about, which coach would you prefer them to learn from? Most people want Coach B, the encouraging coach. But consider what coach you are to yourself. Are you Coach A, giving yourself a hard time for mistakes?
Which coach would get a better performance and improve wellbeing in the child? Now consider which coach would bring out a better performance and wellbeing for you? Think about ways to practise being Coach B to yourself. Notice times you are being self-critical and challenge and replace these thoughts with more helpful and encouraging thoughts. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend, rather than being the harsh, critical coach.
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and potential strategies to ameliorate its adverse effects, can be helpful not only for your own wellbeing but also for your care of other health professionals and patients.
Conflict of interest statement The author receives royalties for the books Overcoming Perfectionism: A self-help guide using scientifically supported cognitive behavioural techniques, second edition, and Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Perfectionism.
References on request from kate. kelso @ adg. com. au
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Are you continually setting high standards for yourself that are hard to reach? |
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Experiment with your perfectionism Behavioural experiments are a useful way to change perfectionism. It can be a surprise to learn that by challenging beliefs about striving, wellbeing improves and performance either stays the same or improves. Excessive striving combined with self-criticism, is more likely to lead to exhaustion and burnout, resulting in poorer performance.
Think about a perfectionistic prediction. For example, a thought such as‘ I must stay up most of the night preparing for my specialist exam.’ To test this out, two different behavioural experiments can be conducted. For experiment 1, the exam is undertaken after engaging in the usual perfectionistic preparation, which includes little sleep. In the next exam, experiment 2 could involve preparing to study over a set time, then going to bed at a normal bedtime
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to ensure adequate sleep. Next, scores on both exams and mood are rated and compared. Conclusions can then be drawn about which approach led to better performance and wellbeing.
Increase self-compassion A key tool to reduce self-criticism is learning to foster self-compassion( see box 1). Self-compassion refers to being kind to oneself in times of difficulty. Lower self-compassion is linked to greater likelihood of symptoms of poor mental health. 13, 14 Self-compassion may have a protective role on the association between perfectionism and burnout in medicine and dentistry students. 15
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Online resources
Questionnaires and evidence-based CBT for perfectionism:
• WA Department of Health— Centre for Clinical Interventions bit. ly / 4hTKLni
• CBT for perfectionism overcomingperfectionism. com
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Which coach do you want to be? Another useful way to overcome |
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This article has been allocated 0.5 EA by the RACGP and ACRRM for the 2026-2028 triennium. Self-report this CPD / PDP activity by logging it online with the RACGP and ACRRM. Scan the QR code for RACGP Quick Log or go to your ACRRM page. |
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