ing at what had just happened. Evidently I was stoned. Each step felt like an eternity and we finally arrived at the front of the Have a martini, in fact, have a few. It’s kind of the most wonderful thing club. We paid and there was music blaring inside the club. “Yo DJ, let’s to be 35 years old and it’s also the worst thing because in gay years, I’m kick it…ice, ice baby…Vanilla Ice, ice baby,” blared from the speakers. about 50. 50 years old. I’m 50!! If you watch SNL you will get that joke, “This is such a good song!” I yelled out to the girls. So I took Jennifer’s if not ask an older gay gentleman. The cool thing about being in your hand and we ran onto the dance floor. The first thing I sew was a midget 30’s is that you don’t need to try as hard. You just go in, get what you woman dancing on a dance box waving her hands in the air like she just want, and enjoy. One thing that doesn’t age me is the stories that I have. don’t care. “LOOK!!.... LOOK!! IT’S A MIDGET,” I yelled out as I These are all 100% true. So here is one from the vault for you. pointed. My friends were mortified. That’s why you should say no to In my early 20’s I never smoked weed. Weed in my eyes was the endrugs kids. emy. But, my friends all seemed to be potheads. On our way to Las Cruces one night, my lesbian sisters took out a huge joint. They passed it around and it got to me. “James just give it a hit!” ordered my friend Jen- Speaking of midgets or small people, have you had a drink from Mark or nifer. “Don’t be a chicken,” she chimed. So I did it. Walter at Chiquita’s? When those two work together Snow White is missing two of her clan. A few years ago, a small person, asked me to One thing I didn’t understand was why weed made you laugh but I sure shoot pool with him. I obliged because he bought me drinks and he found out that night. It was me and three lesbians in an ’84 Buick and we were “hot-boxing” the car in front of the club. When you “hot-box” a seemed cool. At one point he’s racking the balls and I see two little car, you roll up all the windows so that the smoke doesn’t escape the car hands setting the table. Then, he bought us all shots and said he wasn’t too sure about making a certain shot. So I picked up the little fella and he with the intent to get the car as tightly full of smoke as possible. This ensures all the air you breathe is marijuana smoke ensuring that everyone made the game winning shot. See it’s not about the aesthetics friends. in the car gets as high as you possibly can (the cool kids did this). So we May your day or evening be blessed. Till next time. Who would like a kept puffing with all our might and at one point, you couldn’t see out the free cachetada? window. Mission accomplished. My first reaction was that I was paranoid, observant and silly. By: James Gamez As the air continued to get saturated with smoke there was a knock on the window. My friend Emma rolled the window down (while smoke was billowing out of the car) and said “yes?” and there was a cute security guard working who said “Move your car, you’re in a private spot.” We followed orders and parked elsewhere. I was so nervous, yet chuck-