DEVELOPING A HAPPIER MINDSET
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So how do we develop a happier mindset ? Let me answer in three steps : STEP 1 : FLIP YOUR HAPPINESS MODEL
Our parents lied ! They said they wanted us to be happy but then also encouraged us to go to a good school , find a good job , and work hard for a promotion . Sure , everyone ’ s parents are different , but I would argue that most of us hear some version of this model told to us as children :
GREAT WORK → BIG SUCCESS → BE HAPPY
You know , study really hard , get good grades , go be a doctor ! ( Are my Indian roots showing ?) Or simply work really hard , get a promotion , then be happy !
The first step to cultivating a positive mindset is flipping this model .
Based on research I share below , how does developing a happier mindset really work ?
BE HAPPY → GREAT WORK → BIG SUCCESS
Yes , it ’ s the opposite ! A phenomenal paper called The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect : Does Happiness Lead To Success ? shows that if you ' re happy first ... then you do great work , because you ' re happier doing it ! You ' re 31 % more productive , have 37 % higher sales , and are three times more creative , amongst a host of other benefits .
So Step 1 is realizing that cultivating a positive mindset needs to happen first … and not as the result of work or success .
STEP 2 : COMMIT TO A “ 20 FOR 20 ” HAPPINESS CHALLENGE
So we know we have to be happy first . But … how ? Does anyone just wake up in a good mood every day ? I don ’ t ! Most people don ’ t . We have to work at it . It ' s like yoga . A practice . The goal isn ’ t to be perfect … the goal is to be better than before .
Luckily there are dozens of positive psychology studies that give specific , tactical practices that we can use to cultivate this mindset .
I often challenge people to commit to a “ 20 for 20 ” challenge which means you take one of these practices below and commit to doing it for 20 minutes a day for 20 days in a row . By then you have created a new happiness practice that will be harder to stop .
What are some of the practices ? I ’ ve listed five of my favorites below together with one study on each . Remember : These all take 20 minutes or less a day . And it ’ s a multiple-choice question . You don ’ t have to do them all ! Just pick one .
Journaling about the highlights of your day
In a University of Texas study called “ How Do I Love Thee ? Let Me Count the Words ,” researchers Richard Slatcher and James Pennebaker had one member of a couple write about their relationship for 20 minutes three times a day . Compared to the test group , the couple was more likely to engage in intimate dialogue afterward , and the relationship was more likely to last . What should you write down ? Simply a laundry list of the highlights of your day . If you aren ' t the pen and paper type then try the free email journaling service Ahhlife . com .
Take a nature walk ( or another exercise you like )
The American Psychosomatic Society published a study showing how Michael Babyak and a team of researchers found three 30-minute brisk walks or jogs can improve recovery from clinical depression . Yes , clinical depression . Results were stronger than those from studies using medication or studies using exercise and medication combined . Can you commit to going for a jog 20 days in a row or going for a walk in the woods ? If you can get into nature the phytoncides released from trees can reduce adrenaline and cortisol ( a stress hormone ) in your body . ( More on this from the paper " Effect of forest bathing trips on human immune function ") Reading 20 pages of fiction
A 2011 study published in the Annual Review of Psychology showed that reading triggers our mirror neurons and opens up the parts of our brain responsible for developing empathy , compassion and understanding . What does EQ help with ? Becoming a better leader , teacher , parent and sibling . ( Sidenote : This big a-ha on reading is one of the reasons I launched my podcast three Books … where I interview folks like David Sedaris , Judy Blume , and Malcolm Gladwell about which three books changed their life . Trying to help find that always elusive next great book to read .)
Playing “ Rose Rose Thorn Bud ” around the dinner table
My family and I play a game called Rose Rose Thorn Bud almost every night . Essentially , we take turns sharing two roses ( what we ’ re grateful for ), a thorn ( what didn ’ t go well that day ), and a bud ( something we ’ re looking forward to ).
Singing
A study published in Evolution & Human Behavior found that choral singing calms the heart , boosts endorphin levels , improves lung function , expands pain thresholds , and decreases reliance on pain medication . Choral singing was even found to elicit feelings of inclusion , connectivity and positivity , and fosters social closeness in a group . Can you join a church choir or develop a sing-a-long playlist to jam with your kids during school dropoff or pickup ?
STEP 3 : SWAP NEGATIVE INPUTS FOR POSITIVE INPUTS
Our brains crave bad news .
We have 200,000 years of evolution programmed into our brains that have perfected the art of looking for problems , finding problems , and solving problems . It ' s why we rubberneck on the highway , it ' s why if it bleeds it leads , it ' s why ,
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