CLOSING
THOUGHTS
OBITUARIES
– MAY THEIR MEMORIES BE A BLESSING
Going Back to School
M
JULY 31 ▪ 2015
y husband, Zvi, and I were
having dinner, discussing (as
usual) the tribulations of the
Jewish people, so I decided to lighten
the mood. It seemed the perfect time
to broach the subject of my evolving
lifestyle.
I announced that I’m ready for
the next Big Thing.
I am a former high
school teacher, with 12
years’ experience in classrooms of young adults;
however, to do something
new, significant and extremely challenging, I am
about to help out in a local
elementary school.
Let me repeat: elementary school.
My husband usually supports
my decisions. I once bought a fuzzy
orange rug that did nothing but clash
and shed. I prepaid a worker to paint
our kitchen. He left town, supposedly
to help his grandmother move into a
trailer, and never came back.
Of those and countless other errors of judgment, Zvi was wonderfully
understanding, but my desire to work
with schoolchildren met with disapproval.
“Chana, you know how unpleasant you are when you get sick,” he
stated. “Do you want to put yourself
in the breeding ground of contamination? You’ll be sick all the time.”
I decided to disregard his use
of the word “unpleasant” and stay
focused.
It’s true that, thanks to our
children and grandchildren, I have
suffered and kvetched through strep
throat, the flu, conjunctivitis and head
lice, all presumably contracted by
them at school.
The first was so unpleasant that,
to this day, a grandchild’s momentary
hoarseness causes my own throat to
sizzle. The last was so unbearable that
I still check my hair thrice daily. (It’s
harder than you think. If you had my
hair, you’d understand. See the photo
above.)
In the past, men and women my
age were considered fortunate, no longer obsessing about office rivalries or
rising at dawn to rinse out one’s only
intact pair of pantyhose.
There was a time when retirees
took up bonsai, watched “The Doctors”
or slept late.
Retirees took long, leisurely walks
in the middle of the week and stopped
without guilt for ice cream and dough30 nuts.
AJT
Retirees went to an 11 a.m. movie
and caught a second film that same
afternoon.
That’s how it used to be, but not
anymore.
Now it’s not only unhealthy to
sit in a chair, reading thrillers while
drinking bucketfuls of coffee, but it’s
absolutely shameful. The right kind
www.atlantajewishtimes.com
CROSSWORD “Misdirection”
By David Steinberg Editor: [email protected] Difficulty Level: Moderate
Chana’s Corner
By Chana Shapiro
[email protected]
of people over 65 are the ones who “do
something.”
The latest issue of the AARP
magazine featured golden-agers who
rope broncos and climb mountains.
I just heard about a 92-year-old who
wrestles with his grandson’s team.
This fellow’s wife cross-trains with
him.
The modern senior citizen can’t
stand downtime.
Deep in my heart, I knew that
only working at an elementary school
would put me in the category of meaningfully engaged old person. It would
take every ounce of energy, creativity,
patience and moxie I possess, and,
moreover, I would have to amp up my
immunizations.
Fortunately, I like children, and
I’m willing to engage the assistance of
experts when I need them.
With a bit of prodding, I received
the following advice from a sampling
of fourth- and fifth-graders:
Watch out for kids who are
sneaky or mean (how will I know until
it’s too late?). Find out where all the
bathrooms are. Don’t joke around because either kids won’t get it or they’ll
think you’re a loser who’s trying too
hard.
Wear “normal” clothes; however,
crazy socks are OK.
If a kid speaks Spanish, don’t embarrass yourself by speaking Spanish
back. If a kid does something stupid,
leave him alone, pretend you didn’t
see it, and don’t try to make him feel
better. If a good kid asks to borrow
money, you can lend it, but only once,
and not more than a dollar.
Now I’m good to go! It’s back-toschool time, and I wish for all of us,
students, teachers and parents, a year
of great learning and, of course, no
pink eye or nits! ■
ACROSS
1 “Feh, pick one boyfriend!”
8 Impose a plague on
12 What tensions in the Middle
East will ideally do
16 1913’s “Cohen Saves the
Flag,” for one
17 Third 31-Across book
19 Fourth 31-Across book
20 Preparing