I have lots of regrets.
“When I was young, which is like a
million years ago, I made up my mind
I was going to help people. You don’t
of the things you plan don’t come true.
At least it didn’t for me.
When you are young you think every-
think for yourself when you have a large
thing should go your way I think… go to
in other people than myself and it seems
stuff - and you think that’s part of your
family. I’ve always been more interested
like, when you are a nurse, they think
that’s what you should do – take care of
everybody that comes along. So I did.
There was always somebody to take care
a dance and dance all night and all that
life. But then, it doesn’t last for long. It’s
not a forever thing. You have a different
opinion of things as you get older.
Mostly if you want to write a thick book
of. But then when I arrived to my own old
you could write about what I didn’t do
your family and friends. You’ll see what I
no matter what it was. You know I drew
age they were all gone. It’s hard to lose all
mean when you get to be an old lady.
I have lots of regrets. I don’t think I
did much for myself. I didn’t accomplish
very much with my life. I had lots of op-
portunities. I had a chance to have a job
as a nurse traveling all over the world
and I turned it down because I had to
take care of my mom and dad. But most
that I should have done but I didn’t do it,
a horse when I was in high school and I
never could put a tail on it. I think it is still
wondering around the family somewhere
with this horse with no tail. And I couldn’t
do it. I tried and tried. I traced them and
tried all different tails but it never came
out right. Maybe he was born to be without a tail. I don’t know.”
Ena and I met at Vintage Golden Gate in San Francisco where she had been living for
a number of years. Ena was always beautiful for our meetings – her hair was done,
her nails painted and her jewelry pinned upon her ears and sweater. Ena is the kind
of person who calls you “sweetie” and “darling” and makes you feel as though you
have always known her. A nurse, Ena was a natural born caretaker; but reflecting
back, she realizes that she never made the time and space to follow her own dreams.
She was full of regret that she did not take the opportunities that she believed would
have made her life more fulfilling and exciting. Even though we met several times,
she could never understand why a young person like me wanted to interview her for
this project. Ena died on February 20, 2016.
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