This is our death,
and our approach to it,
and our experience of it,
and our work around it
When death seems creepy, it's about the parts of it
you can't control. A good example is my mother-in-
law Kathy’s death.
My wife and her dad and brothers were there by
Kathy’s death bed. It was powerful. When you leave
it at that, it's like that's wonderful, thank you, she
died at home, as we were all there singing, "You
Are My Sunshine.” What a blessing.
Then, in the final minutes, Kathy vomited a little
bile, which is very common when people pass.
These sort of traumatic visuals happen. And there's
no stopping that.
So our blissful, beautiful, heartbreaking, powerfully
heartfelt moment included that, too. This experience
revealed death’s complexity.
But that's the work—being with the dying. Going
through the nightmare and the beauty, and being
able to figure out who you are in relation to it. And
hopefully, it inspires better deaths a nd better lives.
It's bizarre to live with the unfathomable
ridiculousness of a society and a world that deny
our inevitable death. Part of why I keep doing this
is that I need to keep exploring and processing. The
way that I am with "You're Going to Die”comes from
wrestling with all of that and then baring myself in
front of community. By working with the audience
to arrive at something that isn't necessarily ‘The
Answer’ to all that stuff, but that awakens solace,
I need my show to say, "Okay, don't take it all so
seriously because as ridiculous as it is, it's fleeting."
There are ways to feel sacred and to see the sacred in
others. I feel good that there is no one answer. That's
important to me. We’re all wanting to have a unique
conversation without the need for an answer.
We're individuals on these little stages in our head
acting out things in relationship to the world. It
helps to acknowledge that we are the main actor
or actress in the midst of this drama or comedy
or whatever it is. It breaks through barriers and
reminds you of the gift of connection with others.
You sigh in relief that you're not alone.
You're still uniquely experiencing all these joys and
losses, sorrows and mortality. It's still yours. There's
something about our relationship with mortality
that we don't want to have taken away from us.
Who I am as the host of "You're Going to Die" is
someone who isn't so far into the death and dying
conversation as to be unavailable to understand the
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