It is an unbelievable shock that you're
going to say goodbye to every little thing,
everything,—the sunrise, the sunset, your
family, your friends, your hopes, your
dreams, to everything. It's like, "What?
After all that? What was it all about then
after all that effort and it's all just gone?”
The bewildered mind will fight with it,
bargain with it, and try to make it go away
until it's not true. This resistance takes you
away from your dying process, which can
actually be very sublime. Your last few
weeks and months can be experienced in
complete and utter surrender to what is,
arms outstretched, chest to the sky, mouth
wide open going, “Ah.” This is a sublime
feeling that you rarely, if ever, experienced
in your waking productive life. And now
you get to. But, unfortunately, few people
get there. I don't see it very often.
Being present with the dead is different
from being present with someone who is
dying. It's different being with the dead
body, when it's washed and bathed and
laid out naturally. It looks beautiful. This
is an illuminating facet of the experience,
when two days later you've had a real
opportunity to get used to the idea and
relax, when you're not in a state of shock
or trauma anymore. The body is still there
and life feels new. By the third day, ‘you
can wear it’, is what I say, you can wear
this awareness like a cape and your life is
forever changed.
At first, people can't imagine it. It all seems
spooky and weird and way beyond their
realm of comfort. But after experiencing
this, everyone has said, ”I can't imagine
doing this any other way. Oh, my God.
Thank you so much. I can't imagine her
being in a refrigerator somewhere," and,
"How would I have slept at night?" and,
"Before this I was afraid to sleep in the
same room, in the same house as the dead
body.”All of that goes away, for they now
understand how natural and normal and
beautiful it is after a lifetime of being told
the opposite.
KATE MCCALLUM
VOLUME II | 81