‘IT’S JUST A BIT OF BANTER . . .’
BY KATE DANIELS
Banter. A modern word for a modern
problem. Or so you might think. In
fact you would be very mistaken. The
word banter is actually over 300
years old! It appears to have
originated as slang in London around
the late 17th century. Its original
meaning suggested it was rather
unpleasant and aggressive, unlike
modern day banter, which the Oxford
English Dictionary defines as ‘the
playful and friendly exchange of
teasing remarks.’
Notice those two important words:
playful and friendly.
Despite being over 300 years old, it
seems banter isn’t going anywhere
yet – some love it, some hate it. How
about you? Are you a ‘Bantosaurus
Rex?’ Oh dear, stop me now!
Seriously though, some people are
just natural jokers and find banter an
essential part of a happy life, while
others are more sensitive and might
find banter rather offensive.
Banter is everywhere – in families,
schools and in workplaces. Why do
people do it? I did a little research for
you and got some interesting
answers. The most common seemed
to be things like this: ‘It lightens
problems’, ‘it brings friends together’
or simply, ‘it’s a good laugh’.
Let’s break it down.
I come from a rather ‘bantery’ family.
Sometimes though it can go a bit far
– I remember, a few years ago, my
family were teasing me and the
banter just went on a little too long
and became a little too much, until
suddenly it didn’t feel funny
anymore. I felt hurt and upset and I
burst out crying. My poor family felt
so bad – you see, they never meant
to upset me!
So, how can we be sure our banter
doesn’t upset anyone? So often we
are not aware that what we say as a
joke could actually really hurt
someone. That saying ‘sticks and
stones can break my bones, but
words will never hurt me,’ has a lot to
answer for – it simply isn’t true.
Words can and do hurt, and words
said over and over again could
actually be classed as bullying.
CROSSING THE LINE
There is a line between banter and
bullying, but where exactly is it? Well,
the lovely NSPCC say that bullying is
‘behaviour that hurts someone else.’
They say it ‘can happen anywhere
– at school, at home or online’ and
that ‘it’s usually repeated over a
long period of time and can
hurt . . . both physically and
(or) emotionally.’
So now we are starting to
think about it, banter
could be very hurtful.
And what’s worse, we
may not have a clue we
16
are hurting people with it. So how
can we tell if someone is enjoying
our banter or if they are feeling
bullied?
If a person is enjoying your
banter they will probably:
● Smile and laugh a lot
If they are not enjoying your
banter they will probably
do one, or some of these
things:
● Not smile at all
● Only smile a little bit
● Look away
● Go quiet
● Walk away
● Avoid you
Ok, so now we know that if we are
the ‘banterer’ there are some signs to
look out for which could indicate that
we are hurting someone. But what
about the quieter people out there?
If we are extra sensitive we may need
to check ourselves too – are we
becoming over sensitive? If we take
ourselves, and others, too seriously
we may find every little thing anyone
says offensive. You see, being over
sensitive can, in some cases, create
problems and worries that are not
really there, even though they may
feel very real.
YOU CAN SOLVE IT!
The great news is that whether you
are teasing too much or getting over
sensitive too often, it’s all fixable. If
you can’t find a way to change
something you don’t like about