Aquila Children's Magazine AQUILA Magazine Best Bits | Page 22

1 Of all the tasks that make your home
run smoothly, which do you most
happily help with?
a) I’ll gladly roll my sleeves up and give our
stinky downstairs loo a good old scrub. I’m
just thankful for the opportunity, sir.
b) I’m happy to give the compost heap a
quick turn. I suppose… right after I finish
watching this next unboxing video. It’s ok,
it’s only 45 minutes long.
c) Arranging a nice bouquet of fresh
flowers in a vase on the drawing room
table is about my limit, thank you.
2 You’re halfway round a pretty
woodland walk but… uh oh! You really
need a poo. What do you do?
a) I’ll find a big tree – one that can afford
me a little bit of privacy, dig a hole, grab a
big leaf (one that’s definitely not a stinging
nettle) – and be at one with nature – Bear
Grylls style.
b) I’ll wait until I get back to the visitor
centre, hold my nose and hover over the
nasty public loo.
c) There’s only one place to poo and that’s
at home in the comfort of my en-suite
bathroom. I’ll clench those bum cheeks
and wait until I’m there – it’s cleaned by
someone else, naturally.
3 What’s your idea of a simple meal?
a) Food is just fuel; Ox-head, gruel – I’ll eat
anything. I’m just happy to be alive, sir, to
be honest. Cough cough.
b) A couple of slices of toast with butter
and strawberry jam (without bits) makes
me happy enough, but I’d prefer a donut.
c) If I am short on time, I suppose I could
make do with a couple of poached eggs
and smashed avocado on sour dough
toast, drizzled with sweet chilli sauce and
garnished with fresh basil. But I wouldn’t
want to make a habit of it.
4 Would you bath in shared bathwater?
a) Of course! Who do you think I am? Queen
blinkin’ Victoria?
b) Depends who I’m sharing the water with...
c) Once I’m finished wallowing in camomile
bubble bath and my elderflower bath bomb
is done fizzing, you’re welcome to it.
5 How do you ensure a good night’s sleep?
a) I’ll happily sleep anywhere. In a pile of
soot. On a metal-framed bed without a
mattress. Even on bare floorboards. I’m low
maintenance, me.
b) In a Hogwarts-style dorm room with all
my besties.
c) Four-poster bed with a 50-inch plasma 4D
TV that electronically comes out the end of it
with a super-thick mattress and a duck-
down duvet. Jus’ sayin’.
6 Own clothes or uniform?
a) I’d LOVE my very own uniform, if it’s given
to me by an institution it’s less likely to have
holes / rats / fleas in it. Really, I am just
grateful to be alive… did I mention that?
b) I don’t mind wearing a uniform as long as
I can put my football kit / tutu / dungarees /
vintage sweatshirt / favourite band T-shirt
on when I get in.
c) Uniform? Bah! I need to be able to express
myself at all times. If I am made to wear a
uniform I will customise some life into it!
What do you think of these diamantés?
What…too much?
7 Your head is a bit itchy, you think you
may have nits. What do you do?
a) Shave all my hair off; it’s the best way to
get rid of those critters.
b) Wash, condition and then painstakingly
nit-comb my hair and eliminate each and
every single one.
c) Very funny. People like me don’t get nits.