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Aptavani-9
‘I-ness’ or not? There is a continuous feeling of ‘I-ness’ in
everything that has become a discharge. It is nothing but an
effect. The entire authority (realm) is gone. The root of ‘I-ness’
does not go away. It is not likely to go away suddenly. It will
eventually do so gradually.
‘We’ do not have any ‘I-ness’ (potapanu). So, You have
to become like that. ‘His’ authority (realm) is gone even for You,
after this Gnan, so sooner or later it will happen for You too; the
‘I-ness’ will go away. But You have to realize (janvoo) what
You have become. The ‘hoonpanu (the doer I)’; the ‘I’ with
weight and emphasis which is the charging ego, its authority and
its realm (satta) are gone. The belief of ‘I am Chandulal’ is
gone, however in discharge, you continue to have the gnan
(knowledge) experience (anubhav) and conduct (charitra) of
‘Chandulal’. When the realm and the authority is gone; it is all
over. But ‘potey’, the ‘I am’ remains.
I, the lawyer, Mangaddas
Let me explain this ‘potey’ (the ‘I am’) to you. One
lawyer came to see me. I asked him, ‘What’s your name?’ He
replied, ‘Mangaddas.’ I asked him, ‘What do you do for a
living?’ He replied, ‘I am a lawyer.’ I asked him, ‘Do you say
‘I am a lawyer’?’ He replied, ‘Of course! I am a lawyer.’ I
asked, ‘So then who is this Mangaddas?’ He replied, ‘I’. Then
I asked him ‘Then who is the lawyer?’ he said, ‘I’. So, I told
him ‘So then you have to say, ‘I, the lawyer, Mangaddas’, right?’
This is what a person at someone’s door was saying. A
man knocked on someone’s door at night, when everyone was
asleep. The owner asked ‘Who is knocking on the door this late
at night?’ The voice replied, ‘I’. The owner asked ‘I’ who?
Identify yourself otherwise I will not open the door.’ So the
reply came, ‘I am the bavo (ascetic)’. The man asked, ‘But tell
me which bavo?’ So the man at the door said, ‘I, bavo
Mangaddas.’ Then the owner opened the door.