26
Aptavani-6
Dadashri: One has not improved himself and he tries to
improve others – instead it only leads to the other person
becoming spoiled even more. The moment one tries to improve
the other person, the other person becomes worse. What
happens when the one trying to improve others is spoiled himself?
The easiest thing is to improve the self. If you haven’t improved
yourself and you try to improve others, then it is meaningless.
Until you improve your ‘self,’ your words will fall on deaf ears
and bounce back; if you say, “Don’t do it like this,” then the
other person will say, “Go away. I will do it exactly like that!”
You have just made him worse!
There is no need for ego in this at all. If you try to get
your work done through ego and intimidation, the other person
will get even more aggravated. People will always be sincere
to the one who does not have an ego; there is morality with
such a one.
We should not have ego; it hurts everyone. Even a small
child will become obstinate if you call him ‘stupid’ or ‘senseless’
or ‘an idiot’! But if you tell him, ‘Son, you are a very good boy,’
he will immediately do what you ask of him.
Questioner: And if we praise him excessively with, “You
are very smart,” then will he also become spoiled?
Dadashri: Whether we call him stupid or smart, either
way he will get spoiled. The reason we call him ‘smart’ is so his
ego gets encouragement; and if we call him ‘stupid’ then it will
have a reverse psychological effect on him. If you tell a good
person he is foolish and mad fifty times or so, then he will begin
to doubt himself, ‘Maybe I really am foolish!’ In thinking this
way, he will become mad. That is why I give encouragement
even to a mad person by telling him, ‘Nobody in this world is
as good and wise as you are.’ Always take the positive in this
world. Do not go towards the negative. There is a solution
(upaya) for the positive. If I tell you that you are smart, and if