April/May 2023 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue - Page 65

As someone who ’ s been driving for years , you know that reading about driving a car and driving a car are completely different experiences . There ’ s so much to keep track of !
In addition to starting the car , fastening your seatbelt , shifting into gear , and applying the gas or the brake , you also must watch for other drivers . You must pay attention to the speed limit . You must watch for obstacles . You must make sure you stay in your own lane .
second nature that you can pull into your driveway and not remember how you got there .
A lot of people treat relationship work the way Jake tried to treat driving . Meaning , we think that if we learn something by reading it in a book or listening to it on a podcast , we ’ ll be able to live it .
The reality is that when you want to live the results you ’ re learning about , learning is just the first step , exactly like it was for Jake .
Paul and I noticed that we have two types of students : the type who are able to live in a great relationship every single day , and the type who continue to struggle with relationship transformation .
The students who don ’ t get the level of transformation they want are what we call learner students . Learner students are the ones who think “ reading the manual ” is all they need to do . They learn a few things , and maybe they watch a few videos , but they either never apply what they learn , or
When you ’ re first learning how to drive , all that is very overwhelming , as Jake discovered when he got behind the wheel for the first time . It was such a reality check that his first thought after stopping the car was , “ This is terrifying . I don ’ t think driving is for me .”
As Jake learned , there ’ s a huge difference between learning something and being able to live it in real life .
You can learn about driving by reading a book , but you don ’ t actually know how to drive .
Knowing how to drive comes with practice . Once you reach that point , driving becomes such

... when you want to live the results you ’ re learning about , learning is just the first step ...

He also needed practice and guidance from a calm , confident driving instructor to mentor him and help him apply what he learned . Only then did driving become second nature .
In over ten years of helping thousands of students transform their relationship , they never ask for guidance if they do apply it .
As a result , they get stuck in the horrible position of knowing what to do , but not being able to actually do it .
I want to be clear that learning something , but not being able to live it , has