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GOLFCARTRACETRACK
Capital university, Columbus OH
If you’ve ever walked past Huber-Spielman and the conser-
vatory, then chances are you’ve seen the multitude of golf
carts that reside in that area of campus. For most, this sight
brings about questions, most of which we are not provided
answers to. What is the tale these door-less wonders have to
tell us?
Occasionally, you’ll see someone working for facilities driving
around in one, weaving around students on their way to
class, causing near mayhem with the number of accidents
that occur from reckless cart driving. The truth behind these
carts and the individuals driving them may shock you, but
it’s information that we must be aware of.
The reason for the carts’ existence on campus is due to the
fact that Capital is home to Columbus’s first golf cart track.
Yes, you read that correctly. Our university is the host site
for races involving hundreds of golf cart drivers endorsed by
several businesses here in the Columbus area.
Provost Jody Funion and Pre sident Paula Bethany are the
head of this new enterprise and claim to have valid excuses
for their new involvement in this sport they see as rising
rapidly in popularity.
“This has been a long time coming, and I guess it’s good that
it’s all coming out now,” Funion said. “These plans have been
in the works, for me, since the day that the golf carts were
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purchased. And while it may have cost a fortune and forced
us to raise tuition again and again the last few years, we
know it will eventually become our number one source of
revenue for the university.”
“After all of the regular interviews and touring the campus, I
got the chance to sit down with Jody one on one, in a private,
secure location,” Bethany said. “It was then that he informed
me about his plan, this idea and process behind it that he
had nicknamed his ‘master plan.’ My excitement for accept-
ing this job shot through the roof after our conversation.”
This all begins to answer more questions that we may have
begun to ask. It explains why golf carts now have their own
parking spots around campus, it explains why there are al-
ways random piles of busted glass and metal laying around
and finally it explains why so many other university budgets
have begun to be cut; this “master plan” hasn’t taken off like
expected.
“Its year two now, and I’m starting to worry,” Bethany said.
“We’re looking to all places to find excess funds, because this
plan just hasn’t taken off like we anticipated. But we have
no intentions of giving up. Jody and I are determined to do
anything and everything in our power to see the maturation
of our master plan. One day everyone will look to
Capital as the birthplace of golf cart racing.”