PETUNIA RICKY GARNI
I always thought it was “Petulia Clark”
but it was “Petula Clark.” Fifty years of
saying “Petulia” makes me feel as though
Petula Clark did something unforgivable
to me. Think of all those people to whom
I once said: “Why don’t we go listen to
DOWNTOWN, by Petulia Clark?” How
embarrassing! As though I listened to
petunias. On the other hand, all the kids
thought I was great and thought I was cool
when they heard that great song DOWNTOWN
by Petulia Clark and then I got them frosty cookies
and Hawaiian Punch in Dixie Cups from the third
drawer in the butler’s pantry NO: we didn’t have
a real butler. But sometimes I had dreams of butlers.
They were always naked and smiling and offering things
from the pantry to others who sat near the record player
who were usually naked.