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irst step: Today I didn't want to get out of bed. Most days lately, have been like this. I haven't been myself. Before, I was excited for the day. The sun would pop up and so would I, with joy to welcome a new day full of people and adventure. Today, I cursed the sun and tossed and turned in my bed trying to escape the rays of sunshine piercing through the blinds. I didn't have a plan when I woke up this morning. Nowhere to go. No one to see. Nothing to do. At least that's what I told myself. So I slept. I slept because life was about me this morning and the lies I chose to believe. The person I let myself be this morning isn't the person I desire to be. I desire to experience life. To live life that will turn into great stories. I want to enjoy each moment no matter how small. The life I desire isn't about me. I wake up motivated to help people, to make a difference in the world and embrace the call on my life. Sometimes I lose focus of the person I've been called to be and I listen to the lies that slowly allow me to spiral into a depression drenched in the stench of "me".
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The selfindignation still isn't enough to get me out of bed in the morning. That was this morning. I realized today I have to shed the lies I've told myself that life is about me. I have to reject the fear of living a life in persuit of a higher calling and laying my life down for something greater than myself. I have to take the first step of faith. I know I am not the only one who can fall into the trap of fear and focus on self. The two go hand in hand. I believe that there is always something to persue in our lives: a dream, a goal, a relationship, a moment to cherish. We start off strong with the faith needed to dream big, then we are alone with our thoughts. Our thoughts turn to fear, then lies, and the lies we hear make us uncomfortable. We question why we would put ourselves out there. Then it becomes about "me" and my comfort. We begin to ask ourselves why we would even try if we all our fears are going to come true and make us look like fools. Why try? When I begin to think about my fear I lose my purpose. I tell myself it's okay to sleep a little longer. Sheila can be contacted at [email protected]
For you, maybe its okay to sit on the couch. Maybe you avoid making that phone call, taking that class or writing that note. Fear can hold you back from enjoying the life you have been given and it will shadow the purpose you have been given. This will always be a constant battle. This is life. You can chose to let the fear over take you and not do anything with the life you have been given or you can take the first step to persue your dream. The battle begins with the first step. Tomorrow I'm getting out of bed because this life isn't about me. When I stand I have purpose. My plan is to persue that purpose one step at a time, enjoying every moment that I have. The battle begins with that first step, for me this is conquering my fear of failure. No matter what oppositions I face and despite the fear within, I will fight for a life that isn't about me but about God and people. Sometimes we have to start back at the basics. Why are you getting out of bed this morning? What is the first step you need to take to persue your dream?