I feel like God rhetorically asking what I want to create today . “ What experiences do I want today ?” I confidently ask myself !

There is a palpable current of energy running inside me that wants not just to type words but to imbue the blank page with magic and inspiration . I feel very powerful . I know my place in the world . I am attuned to the spontaneity of “ the flow ” — that divine force that runs everything we know in the universe . And I ride it effortlessly . But sadly , it is not always like this . There are also times when I look at the blank monitor and feel a sense of fear and nausea . I feel dread . The blank page is luring me in with an urgency and I am balking at the invitation . I feel I am not worthy nor talented enough to enter the page . But the blank page is demanding that I write something on it , and it better be good . In times like these , I want to run away and hide , and never look at the blank page again .

Meanwhile , the clock is ticking and my deadline for the article looms closer and closer .

I feel close to panic . I feel like the girl in the Rumpelstiltskin fairy tale who was tasked to produce gold every night under great duress . It can be very distressing .

Every writer finds him / herself in these alternating situations often . I know . I ’ ve

By JIM PAREDES

been here many times .

Every artist has the calling to do art , but with the forces of doubt and fear not far behind . These two opposite forces that pull artists will always be there . A part of me wants to fly . The other is too afraid to fall . I like to engage the world freely and shape it to my own image and likeness . But I am also too afraid to completely reveal myself and be criticized .

Lately , I have been mostly feeling the latter . Sometimes , I feel like I am running on empty . I have nothing new to say . I have no muse to inspire me .

Throughout the week , I think of topics to write about . Sometimes , I find something to write about and so I submit my article to my editor early before the deadline . This week , I could not think of anything . I had started writing an article this morning to catch today ’ s deadline but for some reason , I quickly lost interest in the topic and abandoned what I had already written .

I decided not to write about anything

that I was not really that interested in . I wanted to write about something real . And so I followed the urge to write about what is true for me at this very moment .

I am writing about something that is happening to me right now . I am scared because I have no great “ safe ” topic to thrill my audience with . And I am afraid to admit that I feel defeated . Surely , I am suffering from writer ’ s block right now .

Art and fear are two things that go together with being a creative person . One is a force out to talk and dialogue with world . The other is a force of restraint , a force that tells you that you are not good enough , and that you never will be .

Art is about beauty and authenticity . For any work to be authentic , one must from time to time directly bare one ’ s soul just as it is . If it means showing up as the lesser version of you on the page then so be it . One must also accept that at that moment you are writing whatever it is you are writing , you are doing your best . You always are coming from the best of you , considering that your moods , psychological state and spiritual barometers are always in constant flux .

Don ’ t beat yourself up when you feel you ’ re not as inspired as you want to be . Be kind to yourself . You are always , at any given

moment , the “ state of the art ” of who you are . Right now . Nothing less . Nothing more . Accept with humility that your present output will always be either greater or lesser than what you have done before , or what you may do tomorrow . And that ’ s perfectly okay .

Fear exists in everyday life . But you also have your life to live . And you must do what you must do whatever the conditions are . In short , while the fear is there , go beyond it so you can do the job that you are tasked to do . As a writer , the very act of showing up on the page , especially against the odds , is a real act of courage .

Often , we think of drawing inspiration from the world outside . But you can also draw it from inside of you , from the most powerful force in you . That is your vulnerability . Show your weakness . Show your pain and doubt . Be real . Be true . You may be surprised how healing and powerful that can be . •

JIM PAREDES is a multifaceted creative . He sings , composes , writes articles and books , teaches at the Ateneo De Manila

University , designs and facilitates workshops . He is a writer of books , a widely read columnist for the Sunday Life section of Philippine Star , and a well-known photographer .