אַו יֵּצֵ רְְו כִ לְו
מָָה
מָָה לְו
יּוֹםַבּ
ת ־ מׇ רְֶא
הוּא שָׂ מֵ חַַה
מֶּ נּוִּמ
כַ יֳדּ
יִּמָּ לֵאַו
שַׁ עַרְבּ
טוֹבְו
מָָה
בֵל
ôַה מֶּ לֶ
רְַעל ־ מׇ מָ הֵח כַיֳדּ
RELENTLESS LIGHT Neshama Carlebach
My hidden Hebrew name is Esther . My parents added it to the beginning of my name after I was officially named “ Neshama .” In retrospect , the addition felt like a kavvanah — an intention placed ahead of my life . The name was a secret , carrying hidden strength . I have carried my secret first name , along with my connection to Queen Esther — the original Jewish badass rock star — with great pride . Although I was surrounded by Torah my whole life , I rarely studied the actual text . My learning came through osmosis and spirit ; my teachers were the oral stories themselves , retold with everswirling melodies .
The first time I opened a book to study Torah ( at the encouragement of close friends ), I chose the Kedushat Levi , an anthology of the teachings of Reb Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev , zt ” l , a Rebbe who had felt like a personal friend since childhood . I began with his reflections on Purim . At the time , I was struggling emotionally , searching for a sign , hoping for a path toward the light . I found that and more . This particular Torah has sustained my spirit for 30 years .
In Megillat Esther , we read :
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ן אוֹת ֹא ־קָם
ן ֹא ־זָע
ן
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That day , Haman went out happy and with a good heart . But when Haman saw Mordecai in the palace gate , and Mordecai did not rise or even stir on his account , Haman was filled with rage at him . 15
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Esther 5:9
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