that were just missing from the help
that I received.
I got involved because I was in
search of healing for myself and I
also wanted to create new ways of
working with and understanding
rape survivors in the African
American community.
AWS: What are the biggest
misconceptions of abuse?
Kalimah: Black people don’t rape
and sexually abuse their children.
Black men only rape white women.
Black women are strong and can
handle rape on their own. Rape
only happens at night and in the
bushes.
AWS: What should someone do that
has experienced or i s experiencing
sexual assault?
is find someone that they trust and
tell. The telling is for the purpose
of breaking the silence, getting
emotional support and having
someone else to talk to.
Being silent about rape is a lonely
experience, and we believe that
survivors can garner strength in
sharing with a caring knowledgeable
person about the rape that has
occurred and may be able to help
problem solve throughout the
trauma and crisis.
A better question would be how
should we respond to a person
who tells us that they have been
raped. People do not know how to
respond and quickly to that I would
say just listen, offer support, find
resources, and don’t jump to any
conclusions or victim blaming (i.e.why were you out so late, wearing
that, etc.?).
Kalimah: This is a two-fold question.
If you have been sexually assaulted
recently it is best practice and highly
recommended that you get medical
help and treatment.
AWS: What can people do that are
aware of a loved one in an abusive
relationship?
In the African American community,
calling the police is usually not the
first nor sometimes the best option.
At the SASHA Center we do not
force survivors into filing a police
report- ever! However, we can
provide them with the pros and cons
of filing a police report and allow
them to make that decision on their
own. If the assault happened in
the past they too may also consider
reporting but that is not something
that we advocate for.
Kalimah: Sexual assault can and
does often happen in the context of
an abusing relationship or partner.
Because of the silence and stigma
attached to rape, very rarely will you
ever know if someone is being raped
by an abusive partner. If a family
member knows that someone is
being raped then ask the survivor
how they would like to be helped
and try to be supportive as possible
without making any decisions for
the survivor, but more importantly
allowing them to problem solve
with your support.
What we believe is most important
is that if a person has been sexually
assaulted the best thing they can do
AWS: Why is it important for
survivors to forgive and heal?
Kalimah: This question is loaded.
Is it important for survivors to
forgive? Well that is a question you
will have to ask every individual
we serve and let them tell you that
answer.
Forgiveness can be complicated,
one can forgive themselves most
certainly as self-blame for rape
and not placing blame on the
perpetrator is pervasive and we see
this a lot in our work. However some
survivors choose not to forgive and
that is a personal choice.
What we do know is that forgiveness
is deep, personal, dynamic and can
change meaning or focus over time.
Forgiveness does not necessarily
mean that you have to let the rapist
off the hook. By all means to allow
survivors to define forgiveness for
themselves and to allow space
and time for well-being that seems
right to them and feels good to the
specific person seeking solace is
our goal.
To heal or to get on the journey?
No one ever knows what “healed”
truly looks like. At the SASHA
Center we believe that healing is
a journey, because we also know
there are triggers, reminders and
other factors that can and will take
you right back to square one of
when the rape occurred. We spend
a majority of our time teaching
survivors skills on how to navigate
through those hard times and how
to live their best lives in the way
that they have defined it.
Healing for some could mean finally
completing a task like graduating
from high school, finishing a book
with interrupting thought of the
AMAZING WOMEN SPEAK!
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