ALUNA TEMPLE MAGAZINE EDITION No5 'ALCHEMY' | Page 60

It’s been a wonderful, raw, challenging few days here at home.
More illuminations about how we, in our relationship, often have
complimentary wounds which can serve as platforms for growth and
healing once we get skilled at noticing their potential and not getting
perpetually sucked into mutual resistance, fighting and pain loops.
This week the old wounds of my partner feeling that ‘the man’ is not meeting
her fully, not there for her, not available, triggered much pain and complaint, a
deep sense of mistrust which was expressed verbally and in a strong energetic
resistance like a wall between us.
Ironically, or maybe perfectly, when she expressed this, it triggered my own
deep wounds of feeling unappreciated, feeling like I’m not being loved for
who I simply am, that somehow I’m not delivering what’s needed by just being
me and that I am ‘a failure’, ‘redundant’ or even ‘a bad boy’.
This hurt so much that instead of seeing through her words and defence
strategies into her pain, I instead, as usual, started defending my position,
persuading her that this was not true, that our relationship was not as
fundamentally flawed as she was saying, and that I AM available and loving
and I even complained and expressed upset that ‘I’m not being seen for who I
am’ or ‘appreciated for the gifts and love I bring’.
I argued that I AM available and that it was her who was ‘leaving’. This is an

age old loop.

My reaction to her makes her feel
even LESS felt and seen, and more
lonely than she was before, so we
endlessly talk and process and
separate even more into alienation
and loneliness.

This is how the mirror can
create a vicious circle of pain.
Does this sound familiar?
Double Helix © Mark Henson
60