ALLURE MEDICAL - all•u Magazine all·u Magazine Spring 2017 | Page 13

“Perfect love
sometimes
does not come
until the first
grandchild”.
Alex Haley of “Roots” fame said
“Nobody can do for little children
what grandparents do. Grandparents
sort of sprinkle stardust over
the lives of little children.”
One of the very best things we can do for
our grandkids is to teach them about their
ancestors and give them the identity-
strengthening blessing of a real “Family
Narrative.” New York Times writer Bruce
Feiler suggests that kids who feel a family
identity larger than themselves and
who know something about the lives of
their ancestors are more confident and
more resilient than those who don’t.
Feiler refers to an Emory University
study, which concluded that “the more
children knew about their family’s
history, the stronger their sense of
control over their lives, the higher their
self-esteem.” The most useful and
beneficial types of family histories are
“osculating;” that is, they tell about the
hard times as well as the good times.
“Children who have the most self-
confidence,” the study concluded,
“have a strong ‘intergenerational
self.’ They know they belong to
something bigger than themselves.”
As a grandparent, you are perfectly
positioned to create the kind of
family narrative that can make your
grandkids stronger and more resilient.
Start with a simple personal history.
You can do it right out of your own
memory. And you’ve probably got
some pictures and stories of your
own parents, grandparents and great
grandparents that you can throw in.
For what it’s worth, here is our own
experience trying to do exactly that:
It started when we came across a
couple of old journals, one of Richard’s
grandfathers who emigrated from Sweden
and one of Linda’s great grandmothers
who came from Denmark. The accounts
told of incredible hardships, but also of
the adventure and triumph of sea voyages
and pioneer treks. We told some of the
stories to our small children and were
amazed at how interested they were.
During the search, which was mostly
on line but involved a few old albums
and diaries from the attic, we also
came across little stories or incidents
from their everyday lives. We wrote
them in children’s language, and put
them in a binder labeled “ancestor
stories.” For many years, those little
accounts were our kids’ favorite
bedtime stories. And they gave us a
chance to say things like “That was your
great grandmother! She had a pretty
hard life didn’t she—but an exciting
one. She was a smart, strong woman.
And you are one eighth from her!”
We began this whole family narrative
business with our kids when they
were small. But it became even more
effective with our grandkids! I (Linda)
started doing a little half-day “grammie
camp” with them each summer when
we were together for our family reunion.
I take them to the cemetery and show
them some of their ancestor’s graves
and tell them stories. You can almost
see the satisfaction and identity in
their eyes as they begin to “get” who
they are and where they came from.
When you think about it, as
grandparents, you are the first roots
of the tree that connects the trunk
and branches of your family tree to
all the ancestors who went before;
and making those connections real
may be one of the best things you can
do for grandkids that you want to be
resilient and confident and to have an
identity larger than themselves.
Richard Eyre and Linda Eyre are the New York
Times #1 best-selling authors of Teaching Your
Children Values, as well as a dozen other parenting
books. They are now focusing on writing and
speaking to grandparents (see lifeinfullcruise.com
and lifeinfullonq.com). Their latest book is Life in
Full: Maximizing Your Longevity and Legacy.
2017 SPRING
13