ADULT CHILDREN charge rent . Yes , we are serious .
Look , we always want our kids to feel loved and welcome in their childhood home , but he or she is no longer a child .
If you want to charge them a discounted rate , fine ( that ’ s mighty nice of you ), but paying some sort of monthly rent should definitely be a part of the agreement for them to move home .
3 . SET AN EXPIRATION DATE ON THE LEASE .
Sometimes your adult kids truly exhaust all options , are between jobs , or have encountered an emergency situation and need to move back home .
If that ' s the case , make sure you discuss a reasonable end date for their time there . Often a deadline is good motivation for them to take the next step . A year is a long time . It will be good to review and reassess the arrangement six to twelve months from now .
Remember the film in science class where the mother bird pushes her baby from the nest to encourage flight ?
You may need to sharpen your beak .
4 . STOP . SIT . STAY .
If you haven ’ t already -- stop paying their expenses . This means , as husband and wife , you both agree not to “ cover ” their cell phone , insurance , car payments , credit card payments , etc .
If mom or dad is the “ cash cow ” you can bet your kids will milk that good thing for all it ’ s worth .
Easy money is always more attractive than earning money by working hard for it .
Endlessly footing the bill for every expense frees your kids up from planning ahead and budgeting their own money . They miss out on learning a critical life skill .
Handing out cash to your adult child is like the “ serving size ” on the bag of chips . It is very easy to lose track of how many times your hand goes in the bag . Stop that unhealthy habit NOW !
5 . SCHEDULE A RULE REFRESHER .
Remind your son or daughter whose house they are moving into . Yours .
You have rules and you expect them to be respected . Now you certainly should be open to communicate and reevaluate any rules that no longer work because of their age , ( i . e . eating all vegetables no longer applies ) but it is your house .
Your house . Your rules .
If you get up early for work and you want all Rock Band , scary movies , and loud “ gatherings ” to be done by 10:30 p . m . on weeknights . Set the rule , communicate the consequence , and expect respect from your new “ tenant ”.
As always in parenting there is a constantly moving , fine line between helping too much and not helping enough . We are hardwired from the start to jump to their aid when they were hurt or needed something . So you can always be ready to help , but be mindful that any real life “ muscles ” they don ’ t strengthen now may be a problem in the future .
And NEVER give your child money or offer them a temporary place to stay in an attempt to control their behavior , i . e . " We ' ll let you move home , if you promise to date someone local and live in town ." Applying a little guilt might be tempting in exchange for helping out , but it ' s not fair .
Bonus tip : If you have children still at home . Be sure to discuss this plan with your younger ones . Explain that when they are done with college or on their own , they will indeed be on their own . Share the list of common expenses in the “ real world ” so they begin to understand now . The more warning you give them the better .
At the end of the day , your relationship with your son or daughter is worth way more than any amount of money .
Help your child grow into a responsible young adult — in the unique way your child needs .
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Scott and Bethany Palmer , The Money Couple , each bring 25 years experience in the Financial Advising industry , are authors , speakers radio and TV Personalities , who help couples and parents tackle money issues in their relationship . Grab a copy of The 5 Money Personalities : Speaking the Same Love and Money Language , and take the FREE online Money Personality Assessment at :
TheMoneyCouple . com .
11