ADULT CHILDREN charge rent. Yes, we are serious.
Look, we always want our kids to feel loved and welcome in their childhood home, but he or she is no longer a child.
If you want to charge them a discounted rate, fine( that’ s mighty nice of you), but paying some sort of monthly rent should definitely be a part of the agreement for them to move home.
3. SET AN EXPIRATION DATE ON THE LEASE.
Sometimes your adult kids truly exhaust all options, are between jobs, or have encountered an emergency situation and need to move back home.
If that ' s the case, make sure you discuss a reasonable end date for their time there. Often a deadline is good motivation for them to take the next step. A year is a long time. It will be good to review and reassess the arrangement six to twelve months from now.
Remember the film in science class where the mother bird pushes her baby from the nest to encourage flight?
You may need to sharpen your beak.
4. STOP. SIT. STAY.
If you haven’ t already-- stop paying their expenses. This means, as husband and wife, you both agree not to“ cover” their cell phone, insurance, car payments, credit card payments, etc.
If mom or dad is the“ cash cow” you can bet your kids will milk that good thing for all it’ s worth.
Easy money is always more attractive than earning money by working hard for it.
Endlessly footing the bill for every expense frees your kids up from planning ahead and budgeting their own money. They miss out on learning a critical life skill.
Handing out cash to your adult child is like the“ serving size” on the bag of chips. It is very easy to lose track of how many times your hand goes in the bag. Stop that unhealthy habit NOW!
5. SCHEDULE A RULE REFRESHER.
Remind your son or daughter whose house they are moving into. Yours.
You have rules and you expect them to be respected. Now you certainly should be open to communicate and reevaluate any rules that no longer work because of their age,( i. e. eating all vegetables no longer applies) but it is your house.
Your house. Your rules.
If you get up early for work and you want all Rock Band, scary movies, and loud“ gatherings” to be done by 10:30 p. m. on weeknights. Set the rule, communicate the consequence, and expect respect from your new“ tenant”.
As always in parenting there is a constantly moving, fine line between helping too much and not helping enough. We are hardwired from the start to jump to their aid when they were hurt or needed something. So you can always be ready to help, but be mindful that any real life“ muscles” they don’ t strengthen now may be a problem in the future.
And NEVER give your child money or offer them a temporary place to stay in an attempt to control their behavior, i. e. " We ' ll let you move home, if you promise to date someone local and live in town." Applying a little guilt might be tempting in exchange for helping out, but it ' s not fair.
Bonus tip: If you have children still at home. Be sure to discuss this plan with your younger ones. Explain that when they are done with college or on their own, they will indeed be on their own. Share the list of common expenses in the“ real world” so they begin to understand now. The more warning you give them the better.
At the end of the day, your relationship with your son or daughter is worth way more than any amount of money.
Help your child grow into a responsible young adult— in the unique way your child needs.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Scott and Bethany Palmer, The Money Couple, each bring 25 years experience in the Financial Advising industry, are authors, speakers radio and TV Personalities, who help couples and parents tackle money issues in their relationship. Grab a copy of The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language, and take the FREE online Money Personality Assessment at:
TheMoneyCouple. com.
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