Drop of Conscience
Niam P ( 6th Grade )
Falling . At least that ’ s what I think is happening . An endless view of what seems to be my entire existence lies before me , or technically below me . I am not quite sure what seems to be happening , but I know that I have been born anew , my point , to fall . Or maybe not . I don ’ t know why I ’ ve been given this power to feel . To see . To exist . Nothing else around me seems to have this ability , so I beg the question , why me ?
Who am I asking , though as I fall from nowhere ? The space around me ? The point of my start ? Something inside me ? I wonder if I ’ ll ever know . My life seems to be a slow motion blur as I plummet from above .
I look down to see if something there seems to be the answer . All I find is that the things below have become closer . Another question begs to be answered , What happens when I reach that point below ? Will I keep falling as if nothing happened ? Will I stop and stay like that indefinitely ? I don ’ t know if I care what happens . My existence doesn ’ t seem to be worth anything , anyway .
Why did I obtain this ability ? The question surfaces again . Was I built to be tormented by this persistent voice inside ? I look around again and suddenly see how huge everything around me is . All of a sudden I feel small and insignificant again . Something bubbles up from inside . It ’ s not physical , but a feeling . It feels like being worth nothing , and reeks of not knowing . I am dwarfed inside and wonder why this feeling even matters to myself if I know that I don ’ t truly matter to the existence of this place I ’ m in .
Pop ! Yet another question appears . What is this place ? How did it get here ? To be quite honest , how do I know I ’ m not some fake thing that doesn ’ t truly exist in my unknown reality , a virtual concept ? I start to wonder how I got here . Was I made with this world ? Or am I a product of this reality , alive because I could be ? The chorus of questions and feelings inside of me grows louder and louder .
As I watch , bored with nothing else to do I notice that I am the same as all of the clones of myself around me . Every other version doing the same thing I am , dropping , falling , continuously going and going , exerting themselves until they end , all of them at the same point . Starting and ending with no purpose or ability to change . We are all the same , at least in that sense .
I wonder again why I am the only one with the ability to notice this . What does it mean ? That I ’ m special ? That I ’ m a mistake ? Different from everything else , I can ’ t tell if I should feel unique or if I want to become ” normal ”. I feel both . Would it be different if I had something to tell this to ? Something that could feel the same things I do ? Because there isn ' t , I feel pointless .
The first , biggest question comes out again , why do I exist ? It ’ s an endless riddle , a mindshattering puzzle . I realize how close I am now to this end , this place of uncertainty . I must know the answer before I reach this place , having no knowledge of what will happen . I come to the decision to ponder this question , hoping it will ease the voice inside of me . Could I be here to be
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