communicates that you’re confident in
yourself.
9. The Eyes Have It
Make eye contact with someone. Power
gaze at people; this involves looking at
people’s eyes and foreheads, and not
below their mouths. That’s only for social
situations.
10. Power Pose
Don’t stand slumped over. Instead, do a
power pose. Stand with your feet apart and
your arms loose at your sides. People are
going to be attracted to you and want to talk
to you because you seem confident and in
control.
11. Like-Dar
Ask a “like radar” question. This is a
question that will highlight what you two
have in common. For example, you might
ask, “Keeping up with certain sport lately?”
or “What are your favorite restaurants
around here?” These questions and things in
common will foster instant connections.
12. Smile
Be positive and smile. Make sure your
smile extends to your eyes so that it looks
authentic. People are attracted to positivity,
not negativity.
13. Authenticity
Be authentic in your interactions
and not sarcastic. People want to start
conversations with you because you’re being
real, and not facetious.
14. From The Heart
When cold calling or emailing someone,
give him or her authentic compliments from
the heart.
15. What Can I Do For You?
During a cold interaction, say specifically
what you can do for a person.
16. Warm It Up!
To further your cold interaction and make
it warmer, include an actionable question at
the end of your call or email. For example,
you could say, “Could we jump on a call to
discuss your goals with time management?”
17. Your Feet
In a group conversation, point your feet
towards the person you want to hone in on
and talk to. It shows that you’re in tune with
what that person has to say.
18. The Head Tilt
26. Watch Your Nerves
In a group conversation, tilt your head
to show that you’re listening to the person.
Then, he or she will see that you’re paying
attention and be more inclined to speak to
you privately.
19. The Face
Watch your microexpressions in any social
setting, even if you’re not talking to anyone.
For example, if your eyebrows are raised
and your lips are stretched or drawn back,
it shows that you’re afraid and not calm and
collected. People want to talk to you if you’re
composed and not scared.
20. To Fist Bump / Not To Fist Bump?
Do not fist bump when first meeting
someone. Shake his or her hand instead.
21. Sweaty Palms
Make sure your hand is dry when you go to
shake another person’s hand. Nobody wants
to talk to someone with a wet hand, because
it shows that he or she is nervous.
22. Vertical
Hold your hand out and move it up and
down with the other person’s hand. If you hold
your hand over his or hers, it demonstrates
that you’re condescending. If you put your
hand out palm up, and hold it below the other
person’s hand, it shows that you’re lower
than him or her. You want to be perceived as
an equal instead.
23. By The Bar...
At any event, situate yourself right where
people are exiting the bar with their drinks.
This is when they’re settling in and ready for
interactions.
24. ...Or By The Food
Sit down where people are eating too. As
soon as they put their plates down, shake
their hands and start talking to them.
25. The Sweet Spot
Stand or sit still when you’re in your sweet
spot at the bar exit and the tables. Nobody
wants to interact with someone who is
fidgeting.
Vanessa Van Edwards
On that note, watch your self-soothing
behaviors. Don’t clasp your hands together,
tap your foot or self groom while waiting for
people to approach you.
27. Alpha Behavior
To demonstrate alpha behavior in a group
and attract people to you, use expressive
gestures. For example, describe two ideas
coming together by bringing your hands
together.
28. The Power Of Lean
If you’re in a group setting and trying to
focus on connecting with one person, lean in
when he or she talks. It shows, “I want to be
with you and talk with you.”
29. Display Confidence
When you’re standing and waiting for
an interaction, keep your head up and your
shoulders down to communicate how
confident you are.
30. Vocal Power
When you first start talking to someone,
use your low vocal power to keep him or her
engaged.
31. Remember To Breathe
Take deep breaths and don’t go high up
with your vocals. End all your questions with
a period, not a question mark. You want to
sound like you’re sure of yourself.
32. Be Passionate
Add excitement into your introductions.
Raise your voice, for example, when talking
about your company or your passions.
33. Growth
If you’re in a group and you want people
to pay attention to you, use the nonverbal
hand signal for growth. This involves
raising your hand in an upward slope. You’re
showing people using your body language
how successful you are. Of course, we’re all
attracted to successful people and want to
start conversations with them.
Vanessa Van Edwards is lead investigator at the Science of People—a human behavior research
lab. She is the national bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People,
which was chosen as one of Apple’s Most Anticipated Books of 2017. She writes a monthly column
on the science of success for Entrepreneur Magazine and the Huffington Post. Her original research
has been featured in Fast Company, Cosmopolitan, TIME, Forbes, INC and USA Today.
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