A Life Worth Living by Janet T . Lijerón An unexpected tear made its way slowly down her face .
As she reflects on aging , a 95 year-old widow , having recently given up her home , reveals her innermost thoughts and probes a thin skin syndrome as she comes to terms with her deafness and its affect on her as she navigates her way in an assisted living community . Her review of life in the 20 th century signals how a strong New England work ethic and patriotic spirit have sustained her and she realizes , finally , that living longer means living life to its fullest potential .
She wiped it with the back of her hand . She hadn ’ t meant for it to be seen ; she was proud .
If the little accident hadn ’ t happened , if she hadn ’ t needed to use a walker , she ’ d have made it from the dining room to the restroom in time .
Instead , ever so quietly , she told an aide her problem . “ Why didn ’ t you tell me sooner ? Here , I ’ ll take you .” The reply couldn ’ t have been louder if it had been shouted !
Did everyone in the dining room hear ? It felt like it to her . She knew she was hard of hearing and probably people needed to speak loudly , But isn ’ t there a way to be more discreet ? She wondered .
The aides are so young . What do they know about feelings ? In my day , communicating about private matters would have meant going around the corner from prying eyes and ears .
She still smarted remembering her embarrassing moment . She was thankful the aide quickly whisked her away and kindly helped her cope with it .
She hadn ’ t been in assisted living very long . Maybe she needed to learn and understand the way of things . If I could tell them how to talk to me , I would say this : If you bend down to face me , I can understand . I hear better if I watch lips move .
What happens to our feelings as we become older ? After a pause , she thought to herseIf : I think I know . For one thing , we become thin-skinned .
Feelings are sharpened , sensitivity increases . Words directed to us sometimes feel like criticism . Does our inner world shrink ? What makes it this way ?
Being rather deaf shuts me out of the loop . I think I react differently than hearing-people because I miss most of the conversation . Hearing aids only help me a little bit . If I don ’ t know what ’ s going on , I begin to worry .
I think there might be something important to know but words are spoken so fast , they just run together ; it ’ s how television sounds – rat-a-tat-tat I should remember , she rebuked herself , that I ’ m made of stouter stuff .
Since I can recall , life was about being self-sustaining . We tried not to have to ask for anything ; New England roots go deep .
My mother ’ s favorite saying was : Use it up , wear it out , make it do or do without . My own household was built on those words .
I guess I ’ m just tired of following the old adage : When the going gets tough , the tough get going . I was born in 1921 . I ’ m 95 and learned a few lessons in life !
Oh sure , we women were tough once . But tough had a different meaning for life back then .
Our toughness came from living through the Big Depression ; incomes and jobs were either nonexistent or sorely limited . My parents and I learned to barter .
We lived through hard times and harder times . Women manned the home front as husbands marched to World War II . Our duty was to join the war effort in all ways possible .
Whatever cards we were dealt , well , we played on the positive side . We were proud and patriotic . We believed in our country .
We thought we had fought the war of all wars . Victory was tinged with heartbreak and loss . It was unraveling to live through Korean , Vietnam and Iraq wars .
In our realm of 20 th century , many women had careers . Once , home telephones were party lines and dictaphones were “ high technology ” for office secretaries .
Little by little , the simplicity in life slipped away . Technology charged into our homes and workplaces : from radios to televisions , from typewriters to word processing ; from our princess phones to cell phones .
We got older . That ’ s the simple explanation . With aging , changes were harder to accept . It was overwhelming to learn about computers and even worse , how to navigate them . Although retirement came before we were ready ,
( Continued )
35 Adviser a publication of LeadingAge New York | Spring 2017