Why
ACTHA Monthly | June 2015 | 42
by Barbra Schulte
Barbra Schulte is a Professional Cutting Horse Trainer, Personal Performance Coach, Author, Clinician, and Equine Consultant. In 2012 Barbra was inducted into the National Cowgirl Hall of Fame, one of the most prestigious honors possible for women equestrians.
The simple question “Why?” has many facets.
For example, let’s say you want to communicate better with your horse. If you understand why a cue connects to your horse and how your horse receives it, chances are you will be able to repeat that same action again. In this case, the knowledge of why something is effective can have a powerful, positive impact on mastering a new skill.
However, if your coach corrects your error and asks, “Why did you do that?” you might feel discouraged. Usually the answer within you for that kind of why question is some version of, “Because I guess I’ll never get it. I don’t have what it takes. I must be stupid!”
www.barbraschulte.com
So a why question asked after a mistake is typically disempowering. If someone asks you, “Why on earth did you DO THAT?” after a misstep, simply move on to talking about possible solutions. (You can’t control what another person does … only your response). And, of course, monitor yourself to never ask someone else a why question when they’ve messed up!
However, there is yet another way to ask a why question … and this type of why is a powerful one.
Have you ever wondered why your horse got hurt, or you had to sit out a show season because you needed to recover from an illness, or an accident, or some other life-altering event?
Of course, we don’t ever really know why misfortunes change the direction of our lives in a heartbeat. And we never will until perhaps we meet our Maker.
But you can reframe your experience and make up a new, positive story about why something happens.
Here’s an example. Perhaps when your horse had to have lay up time, you had the opportunity to spend more time with your family. Perhaps you tended to important personal challenges, like taking time to work out, eat better and reflect on what’s important in your life.
In this case, you can choose to tell a new story about why your horse got hurt. You choose to tell a story about the gifts in the unexpected turn of events. The new story always includes gratitude for receiving the benefit of unforeseen opportunities. From your point of view, it is part of the reason why it happened.
It’s fun to understand the power in why questions. Use them positively to increase your knowledge or to tell a positive story when the tendency is to lament a seeming misfortune. Avoid asking why when you or someone else makes an error. Instead, seek a solution.