Road Dog
When first approached to write this article about an event on the road, it became entirely clear to me that no single event
stands out and more so it all seems like a blur. All the cities, all the venues, all the people I’ve met along the way. The late
nights, the hangovers, the band shirts that fill your closet from the ol’ merch swap with the other bands on bills. In all the
years I’ve spent burning up the highways in crappy vans with a slew of different people, it seems more logical, and memorable to instead talk about the touring process from the eyes of what I’ve always referred to as “The Road Dog.”
The life of a touring musician isn’t exactly different from the way I had imagined it all those years ago when I was playing
guitar in my room until my fingers bled. For me, it always seemed more of a labor of love rather than the life of excess that
MTV had always made it out to be. Come to find out I was right… AND wrong. I think that a lot of my touring brothers
and sisters that are out there playing dates after dates will agree with me that life on the road is not for the faint of heart, or
for those that don’t have the heart to sacrifice for their dreams.
After you go through the toils and troubles of writing songs and going through tons and tons of guitar players, drummers, and bass players until you find a line-up of people that you can stand, sometimes not, to be in a van with for days
at a time… it’s time to hit the road! You’ve grinded away for countless hours on songs, spent way more money than you’d
ever admit on gear, you’ve poured your heart and soul into a record, and spent countless hours on the phone and sending
emails to people that don’t know you and have received a million emails and calls from people just like you. But, miraculously you’ve put together a string of shows. Your parents and girlfriends are pissed and you and your band could not be
more stoked.
This brings us to your travel situation. With any luck, you’ve played enough local shows to put a little money together to
buy a van. Not a new van, but one that’s old and rickety and most likely without the creature comforts of things like a/c
and heat or radio. This van smelled horrible when you and the guys picked it up but y’all were so excited to be one step
closer that you didn’t care. That original smell will be much more appealing than the collective aroma that will grow from
your time in it from piled up pizza boxes, socks, dirty show clothes, and bodily odors that about halfway through your
trip you decide the drummer probably needs to have a doctor check out. Without a doubt, this van WILL break down…
at the worst possible moment, and you will name the person with the most mechanical inclination the Band Mechanic
whom now holds the burden of “saving the day”. Best of luck to ya chief, that was never me.
When the van finally pulls into the venue, an overwhelming excitement fills your body and it could not be more overpowering if you were loading into Madison Square Garden. You’ve made it! As you nervously unload your gear with care,
there never fails to be the guy that has been at the bar for hours that will offer to help you carry your stuff. Do not, repeat do not, let him help you. Instead of risking a broken guitar neck of cracked cymbal, wait til later in the night for this
inebriated man or woman to yell forcefully for your least favorite Skynard or Journey song. After the show, without fail
at least a couple of your guys will be nowhere to be found due to partying like it’s the Sunset Strip circa the 80’s. This only
frees you up to pack up merch, load the van the way you see fit, settle up with the usually unimpressed venue owner, and
load the before mentioned band mates into the van like cattle. Cheer up buttercup, this is night one!
After a few days on the road, a few awful hangovers, a few new smells to your van, and a few great shows it’s time to head
home. Your girlfriends have all made their minds up that you’ve been the biggest philanderers of all time, your parents are
all freaked out that you might actually make a career of this, and your friends can’t wait to ask you if you can get passes to
their favorite band’s (not yours) shows since you are a big touring musician now. With any luck, the tour wasn’t the worst
thing that’s ever happened to you and you start thinking about booking another. Welcome to your new addiction my
friend, you are now a Road Dog…
Jonathan Jeter
Acoustic Drive | 31