| by Baron Claude Borlz
Last Writes you will always find on the last page of ABR,
because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Once again, I owe a debt to my readers …..
Some politically incorrect one-liners from the UK:
I got invited to a party and was told to dress
to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a
backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim
woke up to find himself next to a really ugly
woman. That’s when he realised he had made
it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday
this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the
13th then.”
My mate just hired an Eastern European
cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the
house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Since the snow came all the wife has done is
look through the window. If it gets any worse,
I’ll have to let her in.
Two women called at my door and asked
what bread I ate; when I said white they gave
me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread
for 30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis
Witnesses.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been
banned from the Paralympics after they
tested positive to WD40.
Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my
mat. That’s a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole
African village for just £2 a month: time to
change supplier I think.
And here’s an
original from yours
truly:
Japanese scientists have created a camera
with a shutter speed so fast, they can now
photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has
been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists
believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen
my pills, they were labelled LSD?’ Granny
replies, never mind the pills, have you seen
the dragons in the kitchen?!
Just a Reminder to those who stole
Electrical Goods in Last Year’s Riots....Your
One Year Manufacturer’s Warranty Runs out
Soon.
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror
says to her husband: ‘I look horrible, I
feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.’
He replies, ‘Your eyesight is perfect’
IT’S A BOY” I shouted “A BOY, I DON’T
BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY” And with tears
streaming down my face I swore I’d never
visit another Thai Brothel!!!
I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted
with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended
curry powder instead of cocaine. Both in
to rough him up a bit.
hospital...one’s in a korma... The other’s got
a dodgy tikka!
After years of research, scientists have
discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.
An Englishman has started his own
business in Afghanistan! He is making land
mines that look like prayer mats! It’s doing
well! Prophets are going through the roof!!
In the first few days of the Olympics the
Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper
& lead.
Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA
took silver and Somalia took a middle aged
couple from Weymouth.
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, ‘What
turns you on more, my pretty face or my
sexy body?’ Hubby looks her up and down
and replies, ‘Your sense of humour!
An elderly couple are attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over
and says to he